It’s easy to come up with a list of the best New Yorkers because it begins and ends with Pizza Rat. But it’s even easier to come up with a list of the worst New Yorkers, because so many of us are so, so terrible, and have been, always, throughout history. This isn’t a historical list though, everyone on it is alive. Or fictional. Which is like being eternal. So.
100) Aidan from Sex and the City
99) Alec Baldwin
98) “Jerry” from Seinfeld
97) These Brooklyn Tinder dudes
96) People who act like entitled jerks when their subways are delayed
95) Al Sharpton
94) Jonathan Safran Foer
93) Jerry Seinfeld
92) Holden Caulfield
91) James Frascatore
90) That man I saw shaving on the F train one time
89) Anthony Weiner (ironic, because: Carlos Danger is one of the 100 best NYers)
88) Kris Gounden
87) Victor Einhorn
86) Harry Einhorn
85) Taylor Swift
84) Whoever coined the word “hipsturbia”
83) NYU
82) Dov Hikind
81) The Environmental Protection Agency from Ghostbusters
80) Moby
79) Barbara Walters
78) The prom queen of Instagram
77) The parents of the prom queen of Instagram
76) Nate from The Devil Wears Prada
74) Guy Woodhouse
73) Terry Richardson
72) Steve Ranazzisi
71) The subway pole-hog
70) Vanessa from The Cosby Show
69) Berger on Sex and the City
68) Andrew Lombardo
67) William Kristol
66) Matt Lauer
65) Jen Polachek
64) Jane Pratt
63) Shoshanna on Girls
62) Alex Rodriguez
61) Every teenager
60) Ronan Farrow
59) That woman yelling “BOOBS! I SEE YOUR BOOBS!” at every woman wearing anything other than a turtleneck who was getting on the G train that one afternoon last summer
58) Graydon Carter
57) Dennis Duffy from 30 Rock
56) Woody Allen
55) David Denby
54) Domenic Recchia
52) Michael Grimm
51) Don Lemon
50) The person that controls the air conditioner in my office building
49) Sean Hannity
48) Bernard Kerik
47) The entirety of the now-defunct Pussy Posse
46) That couple who hit that jogger with their stroller
45) That jogger who got hit with a stroller and yelled about white privilege
44) Charles “Joe” Hynes
43) Andrew Cuomo
42) You know who you are
41) Charles Schumer
40) Harry Crane from Mad Men
39) David H. Koch
38) These doctors
37) Every person who has clipped their fingernails on public transportation
36) Archbishop Timothy Dolan
35) Bill Keller
34) The creepy locksmith on Broad City
33) Ray Kelly
32) That neighbor I always run into on the subway who talks a lot about his trapeze lessons
31) Vito Lopez
30) Andrea Peyser
29) Eric Trump
28) Barron Trump, probably
27) Dan on Gossip Girl
26) Ross on Friends
25) Roger Ailes
24) That neighbor I always run into on the subway who talks a lot about being a naturalist
23) That person who makes sure to say they’re a native New Yorker within five minutes of meeting them
22) Donald Trump Jr.
21) This guy who threw his dog in the garbage
20) Daniel Pantaleo
19) Charles Schwarz
18) Justin Volpe
17) Sean Carroll
16) Richard Murphy
15) Edward McMellon
14) Kenneth Boss
13) Bedbugs
12) The UPS delivery person who won’t just leave my package by my door even though it doesn’t need to be signed for and I wrote a note asking just please please leave it by my door!
11) Marnie on Girls
10) Greg Kelly
9) The guy behind the Castle Braid Twitter account
7) Ivanka Trump
6) Elisabeth Hasselbeck
5) Jared Kushner
4) That one guy on my block who NEVER picks up his dog shit
3) Rudolph Giuliani
2) Pat Lynch
1) Donald Trump
Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen
So uhhh….where’s Bill De Blasio?
Whew, I’m not on the list.
Hannah Horvath / Lena Dunham and company.
Carrie Bradshaw and Co., esp/ Samantha, plus their real-life spawns, the Carrie Bradshaw wannabes.
Noah Bermanoff.
The Conecticut trust-funders moving to Williamsburg.
Virginia K. Smith.
So Aiden and Berger but NOT Miranda, Charlotte, Carrie, or Samantha? Puhleez!