Whoever said slurpies and slushies are only for children, never had to suffer through an unbearably hot New York summer. Honestly, “hot” is an understatement: It’s scorching. At this point, that weather app on your smartphone is practically mocking us, considering every day is basically “boiling hot with a slap of humidity.” This is not what I meant when I prayed for warmer weather last winter. It’s like everyday is an endless cycle of: Wake up (sweat); take a shower (sweat); get dressed (sweat); walk to work (sweat); pass out (sweat). And repeat. It’s never ending, but I take solace in Brooklyn’s many kiddie-inspired slushies doused in alcohol that are all I need to conquer this heat. So if you need me, I’ll be cooling off in one—if not all—of these bars, sipping on the best-frozen drinks that Brooklyn has to offer. See you there.
Margaveza at Daddy’s
If cupcakes were a drink, the Margaveza would be it. Not because of taste, but by design. 75 percent of it is strictly Sol beer, with a whirl of frozen margarita on top. It might not completely frozen, but it’s a quenching take on a classic summertime drink.
437 Graham Avenue, Williamsburg
Frozen Harrison at Enid’s
This grapefruit margarita is a prefect combination of sweet and sour. With an added swirl of cranberry juice that rests along the creases of the tangy slush, it’s a “healthy” drink that your doctor would probably recommend to add some vitamin C in your diet.
560 Manhattan Avenue, Greenpoint
Tiki Catch of the Day at Nights & Weekends
The Tiki Catch of the Day is your classic piña colada. It’s not too sweet, nor does it overpower you with rum like most piña coladas tend to do. And though there was something off with their batch the night I was there, the bartender Steven and I both agreed that even their bad batch was pretty damn good.
1 Bedford Avenue, Greenpoint
Frozen Mint at Lucky Dog
I stumbled on upon Lucky Dog at the right time. They had just started serving this minty drink barely a week prior to my visit. It’s simple, and tastes like what a full body cleanse feels: refreshing. A cooling, clever summertime cocktail.
303 Bedford Avenue, Williamsburg
The Commodore at The Commodore
When a bunch of people, including three bartenders tell you that The Commodore makes the best piña colada in Brooklyn, you make a stop to see for yourself. Now, I haven’t had a lot of piña coladas in the borough, but the vintage bar’s signature drink is not something to mess with. Not to mention a sizable amount of the packed bar was sporting the Caribbean drink in their hands. So if you like getting caught in the rain, then you’ll probably love The Commodore.
366 Metropolitan Avenue, Williamsburg
Blueberry Lemonade at The Woods
Nothing screams summer to me than a glass of ice, cold lemonade. And though a purple plastic cocktail cup laced with spiked lemonade and a hint of blueberry wasn’t what I envisioned I’d be ordering at The Woods, it was exactly everything that I needed. It is all the greatness of a lemonade stand mix without the tarty aftertaste.
48 S. 4th Street, Williamsburg
Frozen Negroni’s at Splitty
The Frozen Negroni packs a powerful punch with grapefruit taste, though the citrus is not featured in the drink. Unbeknownst to me, the drink is an aperitif, meaning it is best served before a meal to help spark your appetite. This couldn’t be truer since I ordered their Pastrami Bao upon finishing the drink.
415 Myrtle Avenue, Clinton Hill
Suicide Colada at New Apolo Restaurant
If you’re looking to get really drunk, really fast the Suicide Colada is all you need. I mean the name says it all. The drink doesn’t try to conceal the alcohol taste, and will have you contemplating every decision that brought you to that spot. Needless to say, I couldn’t finish it but I gave it the old college try. And OK, this is technically a restaurant and not a bar but with a massive drink list that overshadows the food menu, you would think otherwise. Plus, everyone save for the two kids in the establishment was sipping on some version of this frozen colada, so you’ll be in good company.
502 Grand Street, Williamsburg
Banana Daiquiri at Burrito Bar and Kitchen
I silently hummed the “Banana Daiquiri” song from the Portlandia sketch featuring Maya Rudolph in my head the entire time I drank this. Unfortunately, this daiquiri was made with one banana, but it was still the richest banana daiquiri I ever tasted.
307 Flatbush Avenue, Prospect Heights
Plan A at Bushwick Country Club
If you want to awaken your inner child or just trying to channel your inner Beyoncé, then Plan A is the best combo of turn your tongue red. Ok, so I’m not 100 percent sure what’s in it since the bartender went to the back for it and I wasn’t inquisitive enough to ask (I was four drinks in at this point), but it’s red so maybe fruit punch (?) and delicious. It’s so sweet that you can’t taste the alcohol, which is perfect for regressing to the days where you had not a care in the world, except for the inevitable brain freeze that follows suit. And it’s just icy enough where you don’t end up slurping the juice out, leaving that pile of what could’ve been at the bottom of your mug.
I also sampled their Homemade Sweet Tea + Vodka and Jim Beam + Coke Slushie, which were equally refreshing. I take that back. The Homemade Sweet Tea + Vodka is in a league of its own. Hands down beat every drink on this list. And I’m currently trying to figure out if it’s humanly possible to survive on a liquid diet consisting solely of this sweet, delectable nectar.
618 Grand Street, Bushwick
Painkiller at Chilo’s
The name is suiting considering I had to resist the urge to stop into Dough, just a block ahead of Chilo’s. But somehow, the Painkiller was able to fill the glazed hole in my heart with a blend of Cruzan light and dark rum, pineapple juice, coconut liquor, orange, and maple syrup. Yeah, I didn’t think it was possible, but in that moment I forgot about doughnuts. It was short-lived since I got a passion fruit doughnut right after. Just a heads up that they circulate their frozen drinks based on popularity. But I’ve heard their other flavors like the Oaxaca Flaca Flame is just as good.
323 Franklin Avenue, Bed-Stuy
Frozen Zombie at Zombie Hut
The Frozen Zombie is deadly: It packs a shot in the straw. It’s a small, but crucial detail that should be known (I was unaware) before taking the initial sip, unless you’re into surprises. Really, it’s a layer of pure Bacardi 151 that lies on top waiting for you to take a sip, but still a surprise nonetheless. But once you get pass the deception, the passion fruit and candied rimmed drink is a cup of sugary goodness, reminiscent of a Jolly Rancher.
273 Smith Street, Cobble Hill
Frozen Piña Colada w/ Strawberry Daiquiri at Berry Park
What’s great about Berry Park is that they have the best set up for drinking frozen cocktails in the summer: rooftop lounging with a killer view of the city skyline. It couldn’t be anymore perfect unless there was an adult-size blow-up pool in the center (*cough cough*). Indecisively getting a mixture of both of their available frozen drinks on the rooftop is ideal for cooling down from the summer heat.
4 Berry Street, Williamsburg
Beer Milkshake at 67 Burger
They say the last thing you should drink on a hot day is milk, but 67 Burger adds beer in it, so you should be fine. Right? I was at least. This is not a drink you grab if your aim is to drink but it’s a fun and clever twist on a root beer float.
234 Flatbush Avenue, Park Slope
Dark N Slushie at Glady’s
The Dark N Slushie is one of those drinks with some bite to it. The color of the drink looks inviting and sweet, but the mixture of Gosling’s Black Rum, ginger and lime packs a spicy tang that will put some hair on your chest.
788 Franklin Avenue, Crown Heights
Uncle Willie’s Frozen Coffee at Skinny Dennis
This is what a nine-year-old me imagined being an adult and drinking coffee everyday would be like, which makes the reality of my life just sad and disheartening. I’m a tea person (refer to Bushwick Country Club) who doesn’t have a palette for a fresh brew—black, with cream or with sugar. That said, I actually enjoyed this drink. Though it did taste like coffee grounds (probably because of the grounds sprinkled on top), the Olso coffee and bourbon concoction is not too shabby.
Rocka Rolla, Skinny Dennis’ sister bar, also serves up this clever rendition of a morning cup of Joe.
152 Metropolitan Avenue, Williamsburg
Morita w/ guava at Habana Outpost
Habana Outpost hands you the reigns to create your preferred frozen drink with an additional splash of flavored syrup, if desired. I went for the Morita (margarita and mojito) with guava, and it arouse in me a craving for everything guava. This and a plate of Cuban Pastelito de Guayaba, and I’ll be set.
757 Fulton Street, Fort Greene
Bay Ridge Legend at Ho’Brah Taco Joint
The Bay Ridge Legend is Ho’Brah Taco Joint’s signature frozen margarita with a Corona flipped inside. It was my first time drinking this epic concoction, and it was definitely worth a cross off my bucket list, that is, if I had one. If you’re looking for something fruity but are too indecisive on which margarita flavor you want, they offer the Frozen Flight, which is a paddle of four of their frozen margaritas because: Why chose one when you can have them all?
8618 3rd Avenue, Bay Ridge
Dark & Stormy at Battery Harris
The Dark & Stormy frozie is simply divine. It’s probably the only drink I ordered that made me feel like an adult with distinguished taste. It’s made with their own toasted five spice ginger reduction and not ginger beer, a point that everyone kept reminding me. They offer it on the rocks, but really, why even bother when there’s a frozen option.
64 Frost Street, Williamsburg
Mango Margarita at Brooklyn Eats
The mango margarita has all the pleasure of eating a mango without the mess or the organic floss-like hairs getting stuck in your teeth. The drink is adorned with an additional layer of mango syrup along the inside of the glass just for kicks. So basically you’re drinking a puree of sugar, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
474 Myrtle Avenue, Clinton Hill