How to Choose a Religion if You’re a Godless, Hipster Heathen

This is one empty church.

  • This is one empty church.

A new study has come out from the Pew Research Center’s Forum on Religion & Public Life that shows that young Americans are all a bunch of devil-worshipers. No, just kidding. Worshiping the devil is still a type of religion, however unorthodox, and what the study actually found was that 32% of Americans under the age of 30 count themselves as having no religious affiliation. Atheist website Patheos tells us that what this means is “more people are atheist, agnostic, or unaffiliated with religion than ever before. (In fact, 46,000,000 Americans are religiously unaffiliated, by Pew’s count.)”

And while this is certainly an interesting trend in a country where the word “god” is still thrown around with wearying frequency by everyone from Superbowl-winning athletes to the President, we think that what is missing is the acknowledgment that maybe, just MAYBE, the problem with all these godless young people isn’t that they don’t WANT to believe, it’s just that they don’t want to believe in the same boring old monotheistic religions as everyone else. Young people want variety. They want to do something new and different. And being an atheist isn’t so cool anymore, not now that Ricky Gervais has co-opted it. Ricky Gervais is a man who never learned when enough is enough, you know? Not cool.

So I’ve come up with a list of pros and cons of other, lesser-known religions that the youth of today can latch onto in their hours of distress or on the night of their Grammy win. You know. When we all need religion the most.


  1. This seems a really fickle thing to say about young people. Like a way for some older people to dismiss anything a younger person thinks or believes, because they will ‘probably grow out of it’ or other parroting sayings some parental units seem to chirp when they are not impressed with a strong willed choice of their offspring that is counter to what they believe.

    Its just another way to say what someone believes doesn’t matter because of age, and its actually insulting to me that people would think that. Not to mention honestly believe what someone either does, or doesn’t do, is based on trend or popularity.

    I’m my own person and I know what I like and don’t like. Often times being completely counter to the “trends” and my peers of my own age! No amount of what is or isn’t “trendy” or “hip” is going to sway me from not liking something, to liking it the next day, and vice versa, especially something as important to me as religious belief!

    Any valid argument this article may have had goes right out the window with the ridiculous pro and con lists of the most absurd ‘religions’ and the final line just puts a nail in the coffin for it to never be taken seriously and buried in the dirt where it belongs.

  2. I support the fact that your faith gives you hope and peace. However, I lost my faith in my forties. It was not something that I willingly allowed to disappear. Many nights I laid on the floor and begged for some sort of faith but once it was gone, it was gone. Amazingly, once I admited that I didn’t believe, I felt relieved. Young atheists are lucky. Older people who loose faith have a to worry about loosing their long time friends. I’ve even heard of atheists who lost their spouses because they came out as unbelievers.

  3. I try very hard not to be negative about religions but as the writer mocked other beliefs, I thought it was fine to do the same thing to her.

    Instead of these religions you could choose the one that spoke about take war captives as brides after the victors had slaughtered their family. Oh, but the girls were allowed to shave their heads and mourn for a month. IF the husband got tired of them-the girls weren’t given a choice-the wives could leave without being resold. Lovely.Deuteronomy 21:10-14

    Or what about a god who gets so angry at mankind that he allows pregnant women, children and the elderly to drown. (Noah’s Ark)

    Or he throws people in hell merely for not being able to believe in him. So, a murder victim was a Buddhist, goes to an eternity of torture. But if her killer accepts god moments before he/she gets the death penality, they can go to heaven. (not all Christians have the same concept of hell so I apologize to those who believe differently)

    Or the same god will return to destroy anyone who has a mark on their hands or foreheads. The problem with this is that he will kill people who used the mark to feed their children. (again, some Christians have different ideas about the end times)

    For those Christians who want to say, “Hey, wait. Our beliefs aren’t so simple. Not all of us even believe in hell and some of us only believe it is a seperation from god. ” To which I respond, true, but the writer presented only the worst of ancient beliefs. Your beef is with her, not me. Christianity has its good and bad points just like all other religions.

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