A Partial List of New York Values, Ranked

photo by Dominique Stewart

“Everyone understands that the values in New York City are socially liberal or pro-abortion or pro- gay-marriage, focus around money and the media.”Ted Cruz

22) Social liberalism

21)Pro-choice

20) Pro-gay-marriage

19) Probably the dollar slice

18) Not the Cronut

17) Knowing that a regular coffee means two sugars and milk

16) Mocking New Jersey

15) Barely tolerating Long Island

14) Ignoring Westchester until a New York Times Real Estate piece about Hastings reminds us of its existence and then hating it

13) Having strong feelings about the Knicks

12) Being pretty sure the Nets still play in New Jersey

11) Never looking at people doing crazy things on the subway or the street or at a bar

10) Not scooping bagels

9) Definitely sodomy

8) Bars that stay open till 4am

7) Hating the Red Sox

6) Reading the Times Vows section before anything else over the weekend, while eating an unscooped bagel, after not going to church.

5) Walking up the left side of the escalator

4) The Media

3) Money

2) Not using 9/11 as the prime example for why you or anyone else should respect this city, because if all Ted Cruz—and pretty much every other Republican running now—cares about is dead New Yorkers, he can kindly fuck off.

1) Hating Donald Trump

Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen

 

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