A Partial List of New York Values, Ranked
photo by Dominique Stewart
“Everyone understands that the values in New York City are socially liberal or pro-abortion or pro- gay-marriage, focus around money and the media.” —Ted Cruz
22) Social liberalism
21)Pro-choice
20) Pro-gay-marriage
19) Probably the dollar slice
18) Not the Cronut
17) Knowing that a regular coffee means two sugars and milk
16) Mocking New Jersey
15) Barely tolerating Long Island
14) Ignoring Westchester until a New York Times Real Estate piece about Hastings reminds us of its existence and then hating it
13) Having strong feelings about the Knicks
12) Being pretty sure the Nets still play in New Jersey
11) Never looking at people doing crazy things on the subway or the street or at a bar
10) Not scooping bagels
9) Definitely sodomy
8) Bars that stay open till 4am
7) Hating the Red Sox
6) Reading the Times Vows section before anything else over the weekend, while eating an unscooped bagel, after not going to church.
5) Walking up the left side of the escalator
4) The Media
3) Money
2) Not using 9/11 as the prime example for why you or anyone else should respect this city, because if all Ted Cruz—and pretty much every other Republican running now—cares about is dead New Yorkers, he can kindly fuck off.
1) Hating Donald Trump
Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen
