What do you think of when you think of Bay Ridge? Is it Tanoreen, one of the best restaurants in Brooklyn? Is it the glorious arc of the Verrazano Bridge, suspended high and long above New York Harbor? Is it the sounds of raucous sex early in the morning? Oh, it’s not? Well, then, you clearly don’t live in the vicinity of 72nd Street and Ridge Boulevard, where one Bay Ridge couple has racked up more 311 complaints than anyone else in the entire city, all due to how incredibly enthusiastic they are about their daily round of morning sex.
Via DNAinfo, “the city’s 311 system received six complaints in the past year about the Brooklyn pair’s loud lovemaking… That put them on top of the city’s noisy nookie list.” In fact, Brooklyn as a whole has more 311 complaints tied to noisy sex than does any other borough (Staten Island had literally no complaints, because even sex in Staten Island is sad and quiet), but “the epicenter of wall-shaking whoopee appears to be 7201 Ridge Blvd., a six-story, 59-unit apartment building in Bay Ridge that’s located next to a public library and an elementary school.”
One neighbor of the couple told DNAinfo that while he is “not a prude… there are kids in the building, and it was just a ridiculously loud amount of noise being made that the first time another woman yelled out her window, ‘Shut your f–ing windows you whore!'”
Bay Ridge, of course, is not, as a neighborhood, a stranger to public sex: Remember disgraced former congressman Michael Grimm, and the sex he was alleged to have in a Bay Ridge bar’s bathroom? I sure do. I wish I didn’t, but I sure do.
Fun as it is though to explore DNAinfo’s map of the most XXX-rated neighborhoods in New York City (and it is fun! I live in a G-rated neighborhood, which is fine, I guess, because think of the children), I think we should also all remember that as far as potential reasons to call 311—gas leaks, downed power lines, no garbage pick-up—noisy sex isn’t all that bad. Unless Michael Grimm is involved, that is. In that case, report that pugnacious jerk every damned time you hear him.