It’s always fun when media outlets feign surprise and outrage over something that’s not very surprising or outrageous at all. And so, get ready for as much fun as you can have without drinking (which, not very much fun at all), because the New York Post just discovered that many New Yorkers like to drink alcohol. Shocked, yet? Get ready for this, then, some of these lushes even have more than one drink at a time. If you can handle it, the Post has even more stunning statistics to throw your way.
“Sober up, New York!” the Post begs, then shares the “shocking” information that, “more than 1.2 million Big Apple residents are getting rip-roaring drunk.” That’s right, everyone. It turns out that 20% of New Yorkers have consumed more than five alcoholic drinks in one sitting at some point during the last month. And more than half of all New Yorkers have had a drink (a whole drink!) in the last month. The Post reminds its readers that alcohol is no laughing matter and that “alcohol, if abused, can lead to other risky and self-destructive behaviors.” The Post doesn’t say what those other behaviors are, but let’s not forget the bathroom shenanigans that Republican Congressman Michael Grimm engaged in at a BAR. Coincidence? I think not.
I don’t know. Perhaps I shouldn’t make light of binge drinking and the serious repercussions of alcoholism. But, well, I may or may not have had more drinks than I can count on one hand last night, and managed to make it through to the morning without sending any sloppy texts, tweets, OR emails (the gods really do look after drunks, it seems) and so I can’t really understand why the Post is pretending to be so up in arms over the fact that adults in New York are choosing to indulge in a legal activity that has been going on since the beginning of civilization. And, well, there are plenty of reasons to be drinking right now that are wholly legit. Sheep are running wild in the streets! Our supermarkets are overrun with rodents! Income inequality is at an all-time high! Ok, so some reasons are more legit than others. Anyway, binge drinkers, I guess the real point is, know that you are not alone. Because, really, drinking a lot is only fun if you do it with someone else. And, uh, do it responsibly. By which I mean, turn off your phone so that you’re not tempted to send any drunk texts.
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