Oops, I Missed Some TV

I was accidentally having a summer, and now it’s suddenly fall, or fake fall, and I haven’t watched any of the shows you’re all talking about. I don’t know what this haunting image means, but I’ve seen it a lot, and I’m pretty sure everyone else knows what it is:

I Don't Know What TV Is Anymore

And I also don’t know who this is, but I think everyone else does:

I Don't Know What TV Is Anymore

No clue! I don’t know what show he came from, or where he came from, besides thin, babely air or Hollywood (same same) but he does seem hot, so I guess that’s why I read this whole article about him.

I’m still not quite sure who he is or what show he stars in after reading that article, even though I’m sure the article mentioned both of those things. Do you know who he is? Please email me. I might need to buy you a coffee so you can explain why I need to watch his show tonight, right away, as soon as possible, ideally all night long, instead of sleeping. I can tell you don’t sleep; it must be because you love TV. You can also tell me how many seasons it will be necessary to catch up on before watching the season in question. You might ask me if I liked other shows that this show vaguely resembles; that will be hard, because I’m behind on everything. “Wow, you really are behind,” you’ll say, and I’ll be able to tell you feel bad but there’s nothing you can do. You can’t make me watch TV, can you? “Soo behind,” I’ll admit. There might not be anything else for us to discuss except how many years it will take for me to stop being behind on all this TV.

I’m pretty sure I heard a thing about John Turturro being on TV. Is this true??? Maybe we can talk about that.

The last thing I knew, Louis C.K. was asking people to pay for a boring version of Cheers. I guess he’s probably doing something else now.

The worst thing about all this is the dead, gross feeling that it’s not just TV I’ve been missing—it might be everything. I might, in fact, be missing absolutely everything. What have I been watching if I haven’t been watching TV? What have I been wasting my eyes on? They’re open, aren’t they? No recollection means nothing; I haven’t been seeing anything. No memory means I am nothing. I am nothing because I haven’t been watching TV. That’s scary.

If my eyes are still open when this is over, I think I’ll get into Independent Film. IF. Do they call it that yet? They need a good, short name like TV. I’ve heard some interesting things about Independent Film, and I’m pretty sure it’ll be easier than catching up on TV.


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