Brooklyn’s 50 Funniest People: Caity Weaver

Caity Weaver
When Caity Weaver live-tweeted an hour-long phone call with cable provider Optimum, we followed along her winding Twitter path, which climaxed with her almost, but not quite (and not really even close) talking to the president of Optimum Cable. During this time we realized that Weaver provides the kind of weird Twitter we need. Via her platform at GQ, where she perfectly profiles perfect (or “perfect”) human Justin Bieber, Weaver elevates pop culture coverage to searingly good cultural criticism. She also writes necessary articles like, “Who Tweeted It: Cher or Jaden Smith,” and, “When Did Being Old Become So Cool?” And do yourself a favor and google the time she took total advantage of TGI Friday’s all-you-can-eat mozzarella sticks while she was still at Gawker. It’s the best online journalism we’ve ever read.
When was the first time you remember making someone laugh? What happened?
I’ve always spent the majority of my free time watching television, and when I was little that translated to a lot of Nick at Nite reruns. I particularly loved Welcome Back, Kotter, probably because Gabe Kaplan in the ’70s looked a lot like my dad in the ‘90s: fro, mustache, dreams that were his ticket out. I vividly recall doing loud impersonations of Arnold Horshack’s laugh in the middle of restaurants, which always made my parents laugh. This was about 15 years after Kotter was canceled, so the show was just hitting its sweet spot. I was more than happy to give my fans the Sweathog impression material they apparently craved.
What is the toughest part about being on the comedy scene in Brooklyn today? What is the best? 
I live alone and work best in absolute silence, so I’d have to say the toughest part is the crushing loneliness. Best part is how many restaurants sell hot dogs.
Who do you find funny? 
Every single celebrity typing their thoughts to the world on Twitter, and Gawker Senior Office Manager Will Sansom.
What was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
Last weekend I was on the Pennsylvania Turnpike with my parents, reading aloud Yelp reviews of an old diner we’d driven by that had closed down. The menu sounded pretty extensive, and we were all imagining how great our lives would be if that diner were still open. My mom said to herself, “I wonder why it closed.” Then I found a news story that a dead body had been found inside a flaming car in the parking lot. And that really made me laugh.
What are your goals for your comedy career?
I often fantasize that an obscenely wealthy person will stumble across my writing and hate it so much he or she will pay me an annual salary of $500,000 to never write again. Any writing I generate at this point is just an attempt to make it easier for that person to find me and pay me to stop. I’m very happy at my current job and I’d like to try TV one day, but only if that person hasn’t already found me.
What is your favorite knock-knock (or otherwise goofy) joke? 
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One is a salted.

To see 49 more of Brooklyn’s funniest people, click here

Photo by Nicolas Maloof.


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