Paula Abdul Fruit Juice: Power To Live, Power For Life

cranded bontent paula abdul fruit drink

Hey health-gang, ready for a real hotstepper? Remember, like the song? Ok enough levity.

Paula Abdul brand fruit juice may not have “lots of pictures of paula abdul on the can” or fancy celebrity endorsements, but what it DOES have, is nutrience. Read on, lets learn more together, with ourselves.

Life is a busy time. Sometimes theres too much! Others may have you worried or scared. Life is like a hurricane. Experts agree, if you want to be insured against hurricanes, the best kind of insurance is hurricane insurance. And the best kind of that, is a good health.

According to doctoral chatter, not having enough healths is mainly why people could get sick. Oh, I’m sorry, have I got your attention by accident? Good. Read on. This is ONE accident that you’ll be like “oh shit” about.

Whens the last time that you had some fruits? Let me guess. “Fuck you, I’m busy! I go to the job and it takes all day and then my teeth hurt and then when I get home I have to spend time on my puzzles so you could suck my dick,big shot!”, right?

I used to be the exact same way. But then I found out how to have LOTS of fruits at once like a wizard. No, I’m not selling wizard lessons. If you’re going to joke around I hope you dont have ANY fruits and that you die. We’re going to wait a minute for you to get your behavior sorted out or I’m not going to continue.

Paula Abdul Fruit Juice. Made from the freshest sorts of the fruits like red ones and also more, its truly the way to get “the fruit” into “your blood”. Science says thats where it NEEDS to be. I’m not going to kill science, are you? Then I guess we’d better listen.

Science has known about “molecules” for awhile now. Confused? Don’t be. Think of a door. Molecules are like “THE DOOR” to your body. Now, if the door is OPEN, a werewolf could just tear you to shit, couldn’t he? Just fucking go to town on you, tearing out your guts and you’re like “OH SHIT MY GUTS” and maybe your wife comes to see whats up because of all the yelling and you look so gross she throws right up. That would be fucked. But if a door is full of MOLECULES…..exactly. You’re getting it. (You’ll have to show me where you bought that shirt, its very elegant.) Anyway the juice tastes like the fruits that go inside.


1) Why ARENT there pictures of Paula Abdul on the can? Does Paula Abdul know about the juice?
I dont know, I’m not the boss of her.

2)Is that legal? Whats going on?
Let me tell you a story. One time I was very sick probably. I had to lay down every night for a long time and in the morning my eyes hurt when I went outside. But then I met a man outside the laundry store,and it CHANGED. MY. LIFE. He introduced me to Paula Abdul Fruit Juice. After awhile I said “so, like the singer?” and he said “I dont know what that is”. I started to explain, but he was already getting in his car, and he just waved.

3)Hold on, the juice comes in a CAN?
Yea I dont know, this is how I get it. You can pour it into something nice if you want, like a dish.

4)When is a time I should use it?
This is the beauty of the thing. Theres literally a thousand times it comes in handy! Maybe you’re sick like a dog bit you or something. But maybe really the problem was you didn’t have any juice. If thats true, now you’ve got some!

5)If I have a rough day and am just thirsty, is it ok to drink the juice and I wont get in trouble?
Sure if you want. Theres tomatoes also in it.

6)What about my family?
Fruits come from a garden. Another garden is the Garden of Eden. Doesn’t get much more family than that does it, you bitch?

7)Wow, you’re right, I’m sold
Don’t patronize me, this one isn’t even a question.


DVS is a rap mutant/Earth’s greatest supervillain/invented the remix. Listen to his Emmy-award winning mixtape DVTV here.


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