In terms of all that I’ve seen over the last 34 years of taking the subway in New York City, there are few things that have had a more lasting impact on me than the ads of dermatologist Dr. Jonathan Zizmor. I mean, sure, there was that one time I saw a man stick his finger into an open wound on his leg, dig around in there for longer than I’d care to remember, and then stick his goopy finger into his mouth where he swirled it around for a couple minutes. And there are the multiple times I’ve seen men whip out their dicks and masturbate for me. The subway is just fantastic, isn’t it.
But so: Dr. Zizmor. His ads were rainbow colored beacons on the 1/9 train rides of my childhood. Yes, back then my skin was entirely smooth and clear—blemishes were still years away. I was not Dr. Z’s intended target. But then, one day I would be, I was sure. And Dr. Zizmor would be there. His ads were hope personified, the brightest part of a resolutely gray commute.
And now they are no more. Via a Daily News exclusive, Dr. Zizmor is closing up shop and thus there will be no more need for his subway ads any longer. And I get it, I do; everyone needs to retire, and at age 70, Dr. Z has done his time. But that doesn’t mean I won’t miss the days where Dr. Zizmor was the king of the underground, when my love for his ads was matched only by my obsession with the ones in which Yankees pitcher Andy Pettitte revealed what the most important thing in his life was. (Spoiler: It was his relationship with god.) Now, all we have to look at is trying-too-hard ads for Seamless and Manhattan Mini Storage. It’s just not the same. And it never will be.