Meet the Jerks of New York
“I’m so fucking sick and tired of people coming into Brooklyn like they just discovered the damn place and then changing everything to better suit their own interests. Three years ago when I first moved here to do the whole post-college starving artist thing this place had character, y’know?” (Sam Draisin, Jerks of New York photographer)
What would it take for Brandon Stanton, the photographer behind Humans of New York, to admit that some of his portrait subjects are jerks? The viral photoblog, which has Facebook likes numbering at 15 million (almost twice the population of New York City), uses the “we’re all special in our own special way” filter on pretty much all of its images, even the ones of, well, jerks.
There’s already a whole slew of Humans of New York parodies, like Lizard People of New York and Orcs of New York, as well as a whole slew of thinkpieces about the problems with HoNY’s particular brand of clickbaity sentimentality. But the scales are still not balanced in the parodies’ favor (combined, they have nowhere near 15 million Facebook likes), so there’s room for more.
The latest HoNY parody, Jerks of New York, comes from Sunset Park-based photographer Sam Draisin, who recruits his friends to pose for blandly earnest portraits and writes captions skewering a particular breed of sheltered New Yorker, the type that inspires concerned articles about whether all millennials are entitled narcissists. “There are eight and a half million stories in this city, and a lot of them belong to total douchebags,” goes the blog’s slogan.
“The very first Jerk on the blog is myself–I wanted to make clear this is a tongue-in-cheek self-parody,” says Draisin, who studied photography at Oberlin College and is originally from that other land of jerks, San Francisco. There are some familiar characters here: The early Brooklyn gentrifier who’s angry that his neighborhood is now too gentrified for him to afford; the grinning Ayn Rand fan; the grad student in love with Ivory Tower jargon. We talked to Sam Draisin about his noble mission to document the jerks of this city, because we’re all jerks in our own special way.
“Millenials are so fucking annoying. Just look at these entitled schmucks: all they do is bitch and moan about other people, without any self-awareness whatsoever about what whiney little shits they are. I mean, I think a lot of it is that they just don’t know how to socialize anymore—like in REAL life; they’re just always tapping and swiping away at some dumb app or sitting blankly in front of their computer in a room full of all their friends doing the same. It’s sad really. That’s why I started my blog “Shit Millenials Do.” Part social commentary, part internet takedown, part satire of the Worst period Generation period Ever. It’s only starting to get traction, but millenials are so fucking buzzy right now I guarantee we’re going to be the next Gawker Media by the end of 1st Quarter 2017. I’m going to make millions off these little fuckers.“
What’s wrong with Humans of New York?
There’s nothing special about the photography. It’s all Avedon rehashes. The whole schtick of it–the photography is meh, and the captions are so humanistically optimistic, and that is so not my personality and so not the personality of virtually everyone I know in New York City.
“I’m just like, ‘summertime, beach time—rosé all day, bitches!’ Ro. Sé. All. Day. Yaaassssss!!!”
What are some examples of offending HoNY posts?
So it’s a bit difficult talking shit about specific HoNY posts—even the ones that make me roll my eyes the most are still often the very personal stories of real people, and to mock them would just be dickish. But that said, things that specifically piss me off about his posts are ones that feel exotifying and “other”-ing particularly of lower-income people of color and when he goes on his little international excursions (these reek of a “we’re all one race: the human race”/”All Lives Matter” type of kumbayah bullshit). There are a handful that I will admit made me envious because they seemed like they’d be perfect for Jerks—sometimes the truth is douchier than fiction. Examples of the latter: “It’s a breathing and stretching exercise called Qigong;” “I used to transport coke between Miami and Cuba…. now I just do hair and makeup for the girls at the strip club;” “I’m trying to look at my phone less;” and some self-referential horn-tooting.
“About four years ago I hit rock bottom—my boyfriend dumped me, I got kicked out of my apartment, I lost my job; it was such a goddamn cliché, it probably would have been pretty funny if it happened to anyone else. But me, I was totally lost, nowhere to go and no one to turn to; but that’s when I discovered Ayn Rand.”
Who are your favorite actual jerks of New York? (Real New Yorkers you think are real jerks and would like to include on the blog.)
This is tough—I’m going to have to split “favorite” NY jerks and people I’d love to include on Jerks of New York. Favorites include Jerry, George, Elaine, & Kramer; Anthony Bourdain; Tracy Jordan; Louis CK; uhhh Travis Bickle? Helga Pataki? As for people I’d love to shoot for JoNY, let’s go with my old landlord, truly the biggest asshat in the City.
“This is, objectively speaking, the Greatest City on Earth. Prove me wrong, you just can’t. I grew up in Cliffside Park so I always knew there was nowhere else for me other than the Big Apple, and sure enough here I am! Every day I feel like I wake up in a dream, like I’m a Disney Princess who just won the Powerball and is dating Liam Hemsworth. I mean, ok I work three jobs, and two of them are technically below minimum wage; plus I have an unpaid internship that will hopefully transition into an entry level sales position; and I live in Kips Bay in a basement apartment under a bar, which I share with two other girls, and yesterday I woke up with two baby cockroaches crawling on me; and I’m pretty sure someone in Ohio is using my credit card to pay for custom UGG boots and internet porn. But every day I wake up and remember all over again that I’m in New York City and I know that life just can’t get any better. I mean, in a good way.”
See more of Jerks of New York here.
