The Rent For Pandas Is Too Damn High (So NYC Zoos Don’t Have Any)


In case you hadn’t noticed, the New York Post is not fond of Mayor Bill de Blasio. His latest offense to the sensibilities of one of New York’s tabloid’s of record is zoo-related. And no, it’s not a return to the horrors of Groundhog-gate, beauty of a story that that was. It’s that De Blasio has not been throwing his support behind efforts to obtain a panda for one of New York City’s zoos, leaving us sorely lacking in the adorable animal department.

The stand-off is between Rep. Carolyn Maloney, a fellow Democrat, and Uncle Mayor. Maloney wants a panda for the Central Park Zoo, which is something that New York City apparently desperately needs. But the Chinese authorities requested a letter from the governor or the mayor to help secure the pandas, and De Blasio was not at all interested.

“We have everything else. We’re the center of finance, culture, Broadway, fashion, communication, you name it,” Maloney told the Post. “The one thing we don’t have are two great pandas. I think it would be great for tourism, great for the schoolchildren.”

Yeah, De Blasio. Why do you hate pandas? What did pandas ever do to you? Why wouldn’t you want two enormous endangered creatures for tourists to gawk at?

Well, basically, pandas are so, so expensive. Really. Like $1 million per year per panda to lease them from China, not counting the cost of taking care of a panda. We don’t need pandas. We need affordable rent and trains that run on time and a million other things before we need pandas. Let’s all just breathe and watch YouTube videos of them instead.


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