It’s Official: This City Is a Watery Hellscape and It Will Be a Huge Pain In the Ass to Leave It, If You’re Even Able to Leave It At All

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So remember how we presciently told you about the nor’easter that would come and ruin your holiday plans? Guess what, you guys? It’s here! But you don’t care, right? It’s Wednesday morning and you were smart enough to leave town yesterday—or even Monday! You’re reading this from the relative warmth and safety of your childhood bedroom, while your father is downstairs making you his famous omelette (the secret ingredient being that HE LOVES YOU) and your mother is doing all the laundry you brought back home like the spoiled asshole you are. How awesome for you! You can stop reading now and go right back to living this life that actually doesn’t even really exist, right? (Please tell me this kind of life doesn’t even really exist. I can’t bear to know that it does.)

But so, since you’re not living in a fantasy world where your childhood home is still available for you to spend holidays in and your dad is still alive and making omelettes and your mom has time to do your laundry because she isn’t working long hours at a job she isn’t paid enough to do and where you left New York City hours if not days ago, well, then, you’re very probably screwed out of leaving before Thanksgiving comes at all. That’s right! It’s official: Even though the National Weather Service has downgraded the amount of snow New York City proper will be getting over the next 24 hours (it should be only between 1-3 inches max), it’s still a rainy, slushy, stormy shitshow of a day out there, which is why airlines have already canceled over 100 flights. And you just know that taking a bus, train, or car out of the city isn’t going to be a much better option.

So what should you do? Just give up and stay in New York and avoid the complications involved with going home to your admittedly imperfect but nonetheless beloved family? I don’t know! Maybe! Or maybe you should pull a Planes Trains and Automobiles and use any means necessary to be with the ones you love on this day of togetherness and family and seemingly endless amounts of mashed potatoes, yes, but more importantly, wine. It’s impossible for me to say really. I empathize with your plight, but I don’t really get it, you know? My family lives here, so I’ve never traveled more than a handful of miles for the holidays. But, uh, good luck out there! Stay safe. And feel free to once again liberally curse the fact that you were born in Ohio. Happy Thanksgiving!

Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen


  1. Thanksgiving eve is actually the most fun night of the year to go out in NYC. It’s all the orphans, purists, and locals out to enjoy themselves so no crowds and less BS.


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