A Bar To Bring That Friend Who Won’t Stop Talking About How Great Their Hometown Is

No need to bring Ohio into this. (photo via OSU)

Now there’s a bar that caters to the type of person who never misses an opportunity to bring up how superior whatever bucolic hick parade/sprawling suburgatory/lesser metropolis they came from is to New York City! Kilo Bravo, a Williamsburg bar with a menu of 50 cocktails to represent each state, has just unintentionally created a watering hole for all the worst people in Brooklyn.

Naturally, we have nothing against Kilo Bravo, which sounds perfectly harmless: Located at N. 10th St between Bedford and Driggs Aves, the bar is set to open on Thursday and was co-founded by the owner of neighboring Soft Spot, reports DNAinfo. To complement the 50 drink–strong cocktail menu (nicknamed the “Road Trip”), Kilo Bravo’s theme is appropriately Americana-heavy, with rock-and-roll memorabilia, sandwiches, and exclusively domestic drafts and wine.

However, we’re expecting the place to be lousy with one-sided conversations in which acquaintances from Delaware passionately proclaim the many merits of Delaware-hood, which includes 1) being the first state and 2) nothing else, whilst sipping pompously on the “Blue Hen.”

But hey, we’ve all been that person. Whether it’s because we witnessed someone composting incorrectly and declare that “New Yorkers just don’t care about the environment the way people in my specific 3,429-person suburb of Portland, ME do,” or taken a bite of Mighty Quinn’s brisket and lamented the fact that we were not currently at Franklin’s Barbecue in our hometown of Austin and instead in the rainy East Village, or whether it’s because we accidentally mentioned we could really go for a maple creemee right now and realized everyone thought we were requesting a weird sex act because no one calls soft serve ice cream “creemees” outside of Vermont (which is ludicrous because creemee is the best word). Anyway, the difference is that we, as collective non-shitheads, realize that we are being shitheads when we talk about how much better our home is to New York City. Why? Because we chose to move here for a reason, and like most people who live in New York, we know better than to go to someone else’s hometown and talk about how much more sophisticated The City is.

And because we know you’re mainly just curious about which stereotype was used to create your home state’s cocktail, here is the full list, courtesy of DNAinfo:

State Cocktail Recipe
Alabama Alabama Slammer Amaretto, Soco, Slo Gin, splash oj & sour
Alaska Moose Cocktail bourbon, apricot brandy, agno bitters
Arizona Tequila Sunrise Tequila, Orange juice, grenadine float
Arkansas The Razorback Vodka, Rum, Amaretto, Kahlua
California California Dream Tequlia, sweet vermouth, dry vermouth
Colorado Mudslide Vodka, kahlua, baileys
Connecticut Americana Vod, cointreau, splash lemon j, champagne float
Delaware Blue Hen Blueberry vod, chambourd, blue curacau, lime j
Florida South Beach Orange vodka, citron vodka, cointreau, Lime juice, OJ
Georgia Scarlett O’Hara Soco, lime j, cran j
Hawaii Aloha Motherfucker vod, gin, rum, teq, triple, blue cura, sour
Idaho Whiskey Sling blended whiskey, lemon j, sugar, water
Illinois The Chicago Brandy, orange liquor, triple sec, bitters, champ float
Indiana Hoosiers Cocktail vodka, light rum, dry vermouth
Iowa Iowa Sunrise vodka, rum, lemonade, oj, grenadine, top sprite
Kansas KC Ice Water vodka, gin, lime juice, spirite
Kentucky Mint Julep bourbon, simple syrup, muddled mint, lime j, soda
Louisiana Hurricaine vod, gin, rum, 151, amaretto, triple, pineapple, GF, gren
Maine Remember the Maine Rye, sweet vermouth, cherry heerling, absinthe
Maryland Black Eyed Susan vodka, rum, orange liq, pine, OJ
Massachusetts Cape Codder vodka, cranberry, fresh lime, roses lime
Michigan The Automobile gin, Scotch, sw. ver, orange bitters
Minnesota Mall of Amercia bourbon, lemon juice, dry vermouth
Mississippi Mississippi Punch brandy, rum, bourbon, lemon j, simple syr, water
Missouri Missouri Mule bourbon, applejack, cointreau, campair, lemon j
Montana Montana Tornado bourbon, gin, tequila, sprite
Nebraska The Cornhusker corn whiskey, dry vermouth, sweet vermouth
Nevada Nevada Cocktail rum, lime juice, grapefruit, simple syrup
New Hampshir The Alarm Clock tequila, lime juice, coke
New jersey The Turnpike vod, gin, rum, teq, triple, oj, cran, pine, grapefruit
New Mexico Spicy margarita tequila, triple sec, oj, roses, sour, tabasco
New York The Bronx Cocktail gin, sweet ver, dry ver, splash OJ
North Carolina Kitty Hawk tequila, pink grapefruit, lime, simple
North Dakota Howlin’ Wolf vodka, white cr de menth, blue curacao, sprite
Ohio BlueCollar SideCar brandy, cointreau, lemon, blue cu, sugar rim
Oklahoma Fringe On Top gin, lemon, st. germaine, champagne float
Oregon Cherry Temple vodka, cherry liquor, champagne float
Pennsylvania The Philly Flyer gin, fresh sour, sugar rim
Rhode Island Triple Esp Mart espresso vodka, coconut rum, amaretto, choc rim
South Carolina Myrtle Beach rum, peach schnapps, pine, cran
South Dakota The President white rum, orange curacao, dry ver, dash grenad
Tennessee Lynchburg Lemonade jack, triple sec, sour mix, sprite
Texas Suffering Baptist corn whiskey, sloe gin, ag bitters, ginger beer, pine juice
Utah The Mountain Derby bourbon, honey, lemon, grapefruit
Vermont The Old Vermont gin, maple syrup, lemon j, oj, bitters
Virgina The Copper Barley campari, sw verm, club soda
Washington The Grunge Band Rye, coke, cran
West Virginia Coal Miner dark rum, vodka, apple liquor
Wisconsin Mother’s Milk vodka, baileys
Wyoming YellowStone Park citron vodka, lemon j, sugar, mint, club soda

Follow Rebecca Jennings on Twitter @rebexxxxa.


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