Brooklyn’s Best Oyster Happy Hours

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Despite making claims to the contrary, there are some foods we don’t consider as having overtly aphrodisiacal properties (asparagus, garlic), and others that are undisputedly sexy, like chocolate, bananas, and red wine. But of all the comestibles thought to get the libido going, there’s little that’s as in-your-face erotic as oysters, and not just because they look disconcertingly like vaginas. Besides all the shucking and slurping involved, the mollusk’s quivering, saline bodies are simply brimming with zinc, which raises sperm and testosterone production, and are high in omega-3, which wards off depression and promotes general well-being. They’re also rich in rare amino acids, which trigger increased levels of sex hormones, legitimizing notorious lover Casanova’s penchant for supping on 50 oysters for breakfast. And yeah, they also really do look like vaginas.

That’s why the happiest of happy hours in all of Brooklyn are the ones that revolve around reduced priced oysters, from the late night shucking frenzy at the Bearded Lady, to the sultry shellfish spread at Desnuda. And don’t even get us started on the hardcore oyster and absinthe orgy at Maison Premiere, which was only omitted from this list in order to level the playing field. We’re blushing just thinking about it.


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