We Actually Have to Worry About “Cronut Scalpers” at Smorgasburg Now

c/o Justin Krim via the Gothamist
  • c/o Justin Krim via the Gothamist

I’m totally not making this up. Gothamist reported that they were alerted to a very, um, interesting photograph on Twitter. A man was trying to bribe his way into a better spot in the Ramen Burger line at Smorgasburg with—wait for it—a cronut. Hagan Blount, the so-called “Cronut Scalper,” told the Gothamist that he was trying to get a better spot for his friends because he “wasn’t sure they were going to get burgers.” No one in the Ramen Burger line took the bait, so Blount traded his Cronut for three Canteloupe juices. Jesus.

Let’s step back. Gothamist made a great point by noting that Blount had to get up early enough to get a cronut in Manhattan so he could bother unassuming eaters at a long line in Williamsburg, which means Blount probably felt that there would not be enough burgers for him and his friends. Yes, dude. It’s food at an outdoor market with a limited kitchen. You might miss out. But also that Blount took time to plan a scheme to ensure that his gang would get Ramen Burgers. Dude.

I do want to point out that I can forgive Blount’s behavior, ridiculous and juvenile as it is. But I’m more perturbed by the whole idea that novelty food items are a) regarded so highly that people dig through the trash for them and b) have such a strong psychological grip over some of us, that needing one of these food items would drive someone to spend money so they could wait in line to spend more money on a food fad. If you miss out on eating a Ramen Burger, it’s OK. In two months, someone will come up with an equally clever and absurd food item. This is not a borough of big babies. I’m all for County Fair-type food, but dressing it up as a “foodie” item is a little disingenuous, and will probably hurt your kidneys more. Except fried butter. Don’t eat that. Ever. Also, what happened to the Double Down?

Follow Ryan Chang on twitter @avantbored

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