Beach Season Is Here. Can’t You Tell?


Gosh, it feels like what — about 72 hours ago? — that we were raging super hard in honor of Spring Break. What a time that was! And now, with Coney Island officially opening for business over the weekend, I guess that means summer’s here!

Which is confusing, because if you’ve looked out a window, or at a newspaper, or even at your phone’s unreliable weather app, you may be aware that it is fucking snowing outside. And it’s going to continue doing so, all day long. So, how do we square these two realities?

Well, the answers are unclear. You could bundle up and ride the rides like some brave tourists did this weekend, or even take off all your clothes and run into the water if you’re a sociopath with a death wish, or something. You could ignore this strange, false convergence of seasons and just have a nice Seder dinner with some brisket and “bitter herb,” if you catch my drift. (It’s a weed joke, guys). Or, I suppose, there’s option number three: leaving work immediately to sulk on your couch with a bottle of Malibu and your “beach party” movie of choice — The Warriors? Back to the Beach? Jaws? — and refuse to leave until this madness finally, semi-permanently, comes to a close. Because it has to eventually, doesn’t it?

Follow Virginia K. Smith on Twitter @vksmith.

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