Just in time for Valentine’s Day, The Post has a helpful article identifying some of New York’s “hottest singles” and asking them how exactly they got to be so hot. How exactly did The Post determine who was hot and who was not? Well, they found several single New Yorkers (and one person from New Jersey? but who works in New York? ridiculous, shouldn’t count) who are very successful on various dating websites and asked them for their secrets. Which, that’s a great plan, I think. Because clearly the secrets to finding happiness are known to those special few who go on at least ten dates per month. Clearly, something’s working for them, right? Right.
But, you know, I don’t want to be too harsh. The Post was harsh enough. You see, The Post culled photos from all these hot single New Yorkers’ dating profiles and then put them side by side with pictures from its own photographer. The results—as you can see above—demonstrate pretty clearly the hazards of online dating, namely, you can’t trust those profiles at all. Or, I mean, you can trust them as far as you can trust anything really, but if you’re expecting the person who you contact to look just like they do in their profile picture, well, you’ll be surprised. Maybe pleasantly though! Because lots of the profile pics seen in this article are pretty terrible. They’re just trying way too hard to seem sexy, but only if your idea of sexy is stuck in 1995, which, sure, was a good year, just not for sexiness. Unless the smell of Drakkar Noir still gets you going? Then maybe Match.com is for you after all.
Anyway, I was fully expecting to see Brooklyn represented—and represented well—on this list of 8 of New York’s superfinest, so I was disappointed to see only one Brooklynite on the list. I mean, it seems like almost every single Brooklynite is on OKCupid, doesn’t it? Why aren’t they more popular? I guess it’s hard to say why the heart likes what the heart likes. But so, the one Brooklynite who did make the cut is Nataliya Ostrovskaya, 27, who is employed as a “freelance cross-cultural consultant” and lives in Ditmas Park. I have absolutely no idea what a “freelance cross-cultural consultant” is, but it doesn’t seem to matter to any of the 70 people who contact her per week via website sparkology.com, clearly, those people are motivated by other things.
But, well, what kind of advice does Ostravskaya have to offer on the topic of dating? Actually, her advice is pretty measured and decent. She says, “First, make sure that you’re happy with your own life. If you feel that you need to do some kind of self improvement, then I would do that before. Go into it positively but don’t put all your eggs in one basket. The reason I like online dating is because I think having prospects on the horizon, messages coming in every day, that helps one to keep a good attitude.” That’s…actually pretty good advice. Surprisingly, all of the advice from these singles is really pretty solid. Nothing is absurd or thoughtless. So then, the only question is—if these hot New Yorkers who literally have hundreds of opportunities each month to find someone to love, why are they single? Is there any hope for anyone? Are we all doomed? Maybe. Maybe, yes.
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