So, sure, it’s kind of debatable whether or not Windsor Terrace has any “hot spots” to begin with, but whatever the “hot spots” are, they definitely don’t include the local dry cleaner. Any pleasure I took in living in the same neighborhood as Miss America is now officially extinguished because Miss America has terrible taste in “hot spots”. And having good taste in “hot spots” is incredibly important to me, maybe even more important than being able to tap dance to James Brown or walk in heels while wearing a bikini. That last thing, actually, is not important to me at all.
The Daily News has an article about Miss America’s favorite places to go in WIndsor Terrace and the list is really boring. I mean, I know—believe me, I know—that Windsor Terrace is kind of a sleepy neighborhood, but this list is so banal that I was actually surprised to learn that Mallory Hagan doesn’t also hang out in the parking lot where the Key Food used to be.
The News reports that Miss Hagan-America (I’m going to assume she hyphenates?) goes to the same corner deli almost every weekday and orders the same thing every time and goes to the same diner every Sunday and sits alone at the counter and orders the same thing every time—an egg-white omelet with vegetables. It’s just so depressing. In fact, I probably shouldn’t be mean, because there is something about the idea that Miss America is up every Sunday morning at 10am, eating her egg whites all by herself, that is so full of pathos that if I was the kind of person who had any capacity to feel things at all, I would cry. But, I’m not, so instead, I’ll just say that this list is pretty bad. I mean the deli and the diner and the dry cleaner that are mentioned are all great places. The Windsor Cafe in particular has one of the greatest bacon cheeseburgers that I’ve ever had. But it’s sad to me that the one place mentioned that could maybe even qualify as a “hot spot”—the Double Windsor—is somewhere that Miss America has never been because she “doesn’t drink very much.” That’s terrible. Everyone should drink very much. It’s the Brooklyn way.