How do you not love sriracha? You do. You do love sriracha. The tongue-tingling rooster hot sauce is delicious and addictive. Some people —we’re not saying who, but it just might be us—have even been known to squeeze it on nothing more than a piece of cheddar when there was nothing more appropriate around. And as much as we love cheese, we’ll admit, in this case it was only a vehicle for the sriracha. And when cheese is your vehicle? You know you’re in trouble.
All that said, when I heard about sriracha lip balm, I recoiled. First of all, nothing as spicy as sriracha should ever be applied as a balm. Hot sauce is not soothing! Applying it would be so counter-intuitive that I fear my brain would start melting out of my ears. Gross. Second, I am not unfamiliar with pandering. For example, I frequently use the word “hipster” in headlines to catch people’s interests. Then I write about fracking or something that’s interesting to me, if no one else. I mean, take the headline of this very piece. I didn’t need to put the word “hipsters” in there, but I did. Why? Because I have a disease.
Anyway. The company that makes sriracha lip balm also makes products like bacon shaving cream, which, just no. That makes no sense! You don’t eat shaving cream. Why would you want it bacon-flavored? For the smell? You really want your face to smell like a smoked dead pig? All in the name of some trendy food? I don’t know. I’m not buying it. Because, while I love sriracha, I also love not having blistered and burning lips. And I pander in my writing, not in my beauty products, thank you very much.
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