Signs That You Might Be a Mass Murderer Include Not Having a Facebook

This kid DEFINITELY wont grow up to be a psychopath!
  • This kid DEFINITELY won’t grow up to be a psychopath!

Oh shit, you guys.

As it turns out, I might be a psychopath.

I mean, I’m on Facebook, but it is REALLY hard to find me.

Forbes reports that society, including potential employers, will judge you for not being on Facebook or just not having much of a digital footprint. The Forbes writer tells us that, “Anecdotally, I’ve heard both job seekers and employers wonder aloud about what it means if a job candidate doesn’t have a Facebook account. Does it mean they deactivated it because it was full of red flags? Are they hiding something?”

You know what I’ve heard anecdotally? I’ve heard that if you stare long and hard enough at Ryan Lochte’s Speedo it starts talking to you and saying beautiful things like “everyone is selling dreams until u can buy one” and “can u catch lightening in a bottle and set it on fire.”

The article goes on to mention that the German magazine Der Taggespiegel has published a piece which points out that both the Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik and Aurora shooter James Holmes had one important thing in common: they were not on Facebook.

Breivik was on MySpace though and Holmes was active on Adult Friend Finder, which, yeah, I think those are your red flags right there.

Also, the fact that they had stockpiled weapons and ammunition.

That also seems like a red flag of sorts.

Anyway, this Forbes piece had me thinking because it seems to me—anecdotally, of course—that a lot of people are, if not forgoing Facebook entirely, limiting their presence there. The Forbes piece does mention that there are a few valid reasons for doing so, namely, “because they find it too addictive, or because they hold their privacy dear, or because they don’t actually want to know what their old high school buddies are up to.”

Or, you know, they’re turning to Twitter to show what raging psychopaths they are.

Apparently, not having Facebook friends is directly related to how many real friends you have? And not having a lot of real friends makes you a crazy and dangerous loner.

I don’t know, you guys.

You know who had a lot of friends in real life?

Charles Manson.

And that’s not anecdotal. Those were some real friends.

Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen

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