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Love stories with organic beginnings aren’t nearly as common anymore as they once were, especially in this digital age. When was the last time you heard someone say they had to leave for a Tinder date? As recently as today or within the last week. When was the last time you heard that someone had a date with a person they met at a coffee shop? Probably two weeks ago or more likely than...
If you've already ignored the best advice you can get, which is to avoid marriage, you probably ignored the second-best piece of advice you can get, which is to let someone else do the talking on your "big" day (which is the same size as any other day), because you will be brain-dead. That's right, your brain will be dead. (Go to the courthouse, you morons is tied for second-best piece of advice, and works on...
Arthur Schopenhauer, famous for his positive outlook and sunny disposition* said, "Marrying means to grasp blindfolded into a sack hoping to find an eel amongst an assembly of snakes.” I couldn’t agree more! My wedding is in two weeks! I’m deep in the sack! Of course, most of the following terrors are automatically alleviated by avoiding marriage. Everything will also be fine if you don't have a family but do have sacks of money, if you avoid Schopenhauer, and if you...
One morning the world ended. It wasn’t a long, staggering affair, the way you’d imagine it. It didn’t wheeze hours before it died, with moments left to look back fondly on the good times and the bad times. In instances of honest torpor, those polarities don’t exist. No last great show. The unanswered questions remain so, and everything that was ever bright and beautiful shines equally as radiant against everything that was ever vile...

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