Well it’s almost July which means getting in shape for the summer is already a long lost dream. But getting in shape during the summer isn’t, so I have begun to hit the treadmill with the same regularity with which I consume rosé (Read: 3-4 times a week, in the evenings). If nothing else, at least the two habits will cancel each other out, right?
New York summer “weather”–aka Hades incarnate–is in full swing, which means we have already hit temperatures outdoors that aren’t viable for human exercise. So, I have been undertaking my workout sessions in the lovely, sweaty, humid confines of the gym. I am a Planet Fitness member because I’m cheap, because I already spend way too much on a fancy (but excellent) yoga studio, and because there’s a location two blocks from my work and four blocks from my Bushwick apartment.
The treadmill is mind-numbing in a way that only a perfectly curated playlist can really alleviate, so over the years I have collected a selection of songs that are upbeat enough to keep me hitting my pace and enticing enough to prevent me from just hitting that stop button, giving up and heading home to watch Real Housewives. And yes, I’m including country and hip-hop in the designation pop–and there’s nothing you can do about it! Read on if you want to know all my #workoutsecrets.
1. “Blank Space” — Taylor Swift
Bitch you guessed it. Taylor Swift belongs on any treadmill playlist because the woman can write a fucking hook, okay? I know you’re annoyed about her dating life and her problematic non-intersectional feminism and her fake-ass cliques/squads/random-collections-of-Barbie-like-celebrities–me too. But when I’m just trying to put one foot in front of the other “Nice to meet you / Where you been / I could show you incredible thiiiiings” is the most thrilling and dreamy line to hear, it transports me from the second floor of the disgusting Ridgewood Planet Fitness to a mansion where men’s hearts and cars and birthday cakes are simply receptacles for latent anger, where the trope of the “crazy ex-girlfriend” is flipped on its head and revealed for the farce it really is. Look, running is a nightmare so dress the whole thing up in daydream pop songs, no matter what hot takes your Twitter fingers are gonna write about the artist later.
2. “Close Your Eyes And Count To Fuck” — Run The Jewels ft. Zack De La Rocha
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