All the Times Food Has Been Mansplained to Me

67burger

I am an adult woman. I eat food and I drink drinks. I think I do an ok job of it. But apparently, men don’t think so. And so they try to explain to me what I’m doing wrong. These are some of those times.

When ordering a frozen margarita: “Just so you know, even though it doesn’t taste like it, there’s actually a lot of alcohol in here—as much as in a margarita on the rocks. So you don’t want to drink too many of these.”
Oh, but I do.

When eating a meatball parm sandwich at a Yankees game: “You’re not going to be able to finish that whole thing!”
Oh, but I am. 

When drinking a Lime-A-Rita at the same Yankees game: “It’s smart that you’re just sticking with lemonade. Too much beer in this heat would go straight to your head.”
Oh, but the Lime-A-Rita sports an 8 percent ABV and I’m already on my second. And I’ve never felt better.

When carrying a tray full of nachos and beer to my seat at Citi Field: “Don’t eat what you can’t even carry, honey.”
Oh, but I am carrying it. The only way I wouldn’t be carrying it is if I threw the whole tray at you.

When ordering a burger AND fries AND a milkshake: “I hope you’re sharing this with someone! It’s a lot of food for one little lady.”
Oh, but I’m not a lady. 

When buying peaches at the farmer’s market: “Be careful with those. They’re so juicy you’re probably going to make a mess all over your face.”
Oh, interesting. Thanks for assuming that I’ve never eaten a peach before.

When putting hot sauce on my hallaca at Smorgasburg Queens: “You’re not going to be able to handle all that heat! Come back for another once you realize you’ve ruined that one.”
Oh, but I am a motherfucking dragon and can handle any amount of fire I feel like handling. 

When eating a piece of cinnamon raisin toast spread with crunchy peanut butter and drizzled with sriracha in my own damned home: “There’s no way that tastes good. Don’t you want something else?”
Oh, yeah: I want to eat your heart that I’ve removed from your body with a spoon. Well, after I cover it with crunchy peanut butter and drizzle it with sriracha, that is.

Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen

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23 COMMENTS

    • I counted two… but I do get that “You aren’t going to be able to finish that” and “there’s no way that possibly tastes good” and “be careful getting fruit juice everywhere when you eat” crap all the time… from my WIFE. LOL

  1. Reallllly reaching with this one. I understand the concept of mansplaining, but the majority of your examples have nothing to do with gender, and I’ve received comparable (eye-roll inducing) advice from men and women alike. Assholes come in many packages- it’s not always about gender issues. My girlfriend often teases or tells me that my eyes are too big for my stomach, or checks in to make sure I “know” how much booze is in that drink. Not mansplaining, but sounds like you’ve got a bit of a chip on your shoulder.

  2. This chick sucks. Stop being such a hardass acting like you’re a human garbage disposal. You’re not the first girl who likes her food and booze and you won’t be the last. Most of these guys don’t care what you eat because they’re just trying to get in your pants.

  3. Seriously- intelligent women understand the difference between sexism and run of the mill arrogance, paternalism, and unwarranted expressions of superiority. As a man I hear the same stuff- just as condescending and arrogant. The point is- I know too many assholes who take these sorts of special snowflake grasps for oppression as signs that there is no REAL sexism- only listicle tirades from spoiled brats. Don’t be a brat. Don’t cry wolf.

  4. I can’t tell if you are serious or not with this article… Am I missing something? Just curious if a woman were to tell you the exact same thing would you make an issue about it? Would you have written an article on “womansplaining”? If someone offers some sort of information I do not automatically assume it is some how sexist, actually I usually find it helpful based on the situation. Maybe I just don’t get the point of the article (which is what by the way?) but I honestly think this is just much ado about nothing so Kristin Iversen, “you should stick to eating peaches and drinking lime-a-ritas instead of trying to make something that is really a non issue into something its not.” Well at least you like spicy food (oh actually a side note on that, hot sauces vary in heat at tons of restaurants (which is what I would tell to a woman or man #womansplaining) so its actually refreshing to know that someone would advise that a particular sauce is spicier than one might expect, but I’m sure the gentleman just told you it was spicy because you are a female).

  5. As a man, I can say that very similar things have been said to me by members of both sexes. I do not see any of these as mansplaining. I do see the lady comment as a sexist comment more than anything else.

  6. The definition of “mansplaining” here appears to be: have any conversation with a male about food, no matter how innocuous. That’s a pretty low standard imo.

  7. “Here, test the girl that’s kinda snobby
    And I bet you dissing niggas is her hobby
    And after she finished the test
    Write today a B-I-T-C-H
    And watch her get mad cause she know it’s true (She know it)”

  8. that’s because you eat peanut butter mixed with sriracha, so everybody just assumes you’re at least a bit mentally deficient.

  9. Your problem is that you think the entire world is out to get you. There is no such thing as “mansplaining” any more than there is ” womansplaining”. With a couple of exceptions, every example you gave here was just someone trying to caution you and you LOOKING DESPERATELY for any way to be a victim. You clearly have so few such small problems in your sheltered and privileged life that you think we should feel sorry for you over this.

    Guess what? I’m a man, I weigh 170 lbs. Every one of those quotes (without the “lady” part, of course, they usually tell me son, sir, boy, or man) has been said to me. How do you explain that? You know how I reacted? I either said “thanks for the heads up” or “I’m good”. And then it left my mind.

    If you stop TRYING to be offended by everything a man does, you’ll find the vast majority aren’t doing any wrong. You keep asking for equality, but then when we treat you how we treat fellow guys, you passive aggressively complain on the Internet and insist WE the problem. I’m done living in a minefield. You want the truth? The truth feminism doesn’t want you know? Women aren’t all the same. So every time one of you tells us how women want to be treated, you are setting us up to be chewed out by the next one.

    So I’m done. I’m going to go with the way my feminist mother taught me and continue to try to treat all women the same way I treat men. And if that equality pisses you off, tough. Do what the grown up world does and grow a skin. Maybe even learn that not everyone can read your thoughts and magically know what you want.

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