I didn’t really make any work-related New Year’s resolutions this year, but maybe I should have, and maybe one of those resolutions should have been to not use the word “hipster” unless it is absolutely necessary and totally applies to the case at hand. Well, you know what? I’m making that resolution right now. Done. Made! What’s that you’re saying? The word “hipster” is in the headline of this very piece? Well, yes. But the thing is that it is absolutely necessary here and totally applies to the case at hand. So. Resolution kept!
DNAinfo reports that there is a “mustachioed bandit… a hungry hipster with an eye for fashion” who has been on a thieving rampage throughout Greenpoint, and has stolen an “A.P.C topcoat, estimated to be worth $600, a pair of Oliver Peoples sunglasses, which usually go for $400, and a Jack Spade wallet filled with credit cards, from the stylish Mediterranean eatery Anella” on January 1. The manager of Anella described the criminal as looking like “a regular Greenpoint kind of person… he didn’t look skeevy or weird.” And yet, as it turns out, he was skeevy AND weird AND a total asshole. Police are asking anyone who recognizes the man pictured above to call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-577-TIPS or visit the NYPD website. The only problem being, of course, that everyone recognizes the man pictured above because he looks like every other guy in Greenpoint, so this is basically a needle in a haystack situation here. A haystack full of hipsters. Gross.
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