Partying Banned At The McKibbin Lofts

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  • Animal New York via Brokelyn

So, this is a twist. After meticulously building up a reputation as a hip, cool place for hip, cool people to live and party — and thus, justify paying tons of money to live in glorified dorm rooms — the McKibbin Lofts have apparently done an abrupt about-face, putting up strict “No Parties Allowed!” notices around the building.

Per a flyer posted on Animal New York, these are the new stipulations for residents:

1. NO PARTIES ARE ALLOWED IN THE BUILDING

2. THE POLICE DEPARTMENT WILL BE CALLED AND WILL
SHOT DOWN THE PARTY

3. IF YOU ARE PLANNING TO HAVE A SMALL GATHERING,
PLEASE CONTACT OUR SECURITY PERSONEL, SO THEY KNOW
AHEAD OF TIME

So basically, something you’d expect an angry, ever-misunderstanding parent in a music video to scream at some teenagers, or something. It’s mostly just funny, and will likely come to nothing, because actually enforcing such a policy would be hard, and expensive. But also, when you think about it, this is a totally nuts way to run an apartment building that is ostensibly for adults. Aren’t neighbors in the real world just supposed to work out these kinds of things amongst themselves, through acts of compromise and quiet passive aggression? Why tamper with a system that’s served society so well for so many years?

Follow Virginia K. Smith on Twitter @vksmith.