iPhone 5 Revealed, Sending Brooklyn’s Collective Heart Aflutter

You know you want it.

  • You know you want it.

In the words of Ice Cube, today was a good day. Not on a global scale or anything. Actually, in that sense, today has been a horrible and tragic day because of the news from Libya which was then compounded by that idiot Mitt Romney’s response to it. But if you are a fan of Apple products and new gadgets, well, then, today was a good day!

After much anticipation, Apple unveiled the new iPhone 5 today, simultaneously sending many people I know into cardiac arrest because they are just so excited to get their hands on something new—anything new!—from their Apple overlords. New York Magazine’s Daily Intel reports that the new iPhone is notable because it “will feature a bigger screen, a thinner body, LTE wireless, a fifth row of icons on the home screen…a new ‘Lightning’ connector and an improved camera with panorama mode.”

A FIFTH row of icons? Well, then! Definitely throw your iPhone 4 out your window or set it on fire because you don’t need that old tech dinosaur anymore!

I know we’re supposed to be excited about this, because innovation is great and hasn’t Siri just changed everyone’s lives by telling us whether or not it’s raining? But I just can’t get all that worked up over something that is marginally different from the last model released. I just can’t get that excited about paying hundreds of dollars for something that I will probably drop and shatter at least once. So, yeah. Buy it! Or don’t. There will totally be something else for you to spend your money on soon that will, similar the iconic Apple logo, allow people to tell at a glance what kind of person you are. Like, what your soul is actually like.

Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen


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