City’s New Cyclist Crackdown Means Your Drunken Noodles Might Not Arrive Hot

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I hate to wait for things.

I like things now! Veruca Salt is one of my literary heroes, for sure. But you know what I hate even more than getting my Thai food delivery when it’s already gotten all cold and gummy? I hate almost getting run over by a delivery man riding his electric bike down my sidewalk. That really sucks.

Well, starting in January, NYC is going to start cracking down on commercial cyclists who do all the illegal things (seriously, they do all of the illegal things and they do them seemingly all at once) and tickets will be written for common offenses like riding electric bikes, going on the sidewalk, and “salmoning” which is the heinous act of riding the wrong way down a one-way street.

DNAInfo reports that restaurants are already warning that this could mean a delay in delivery times. What once took 20 minutes, might now take 25 or even 30. This is horrible, of course. New York is a city full of people who don’t like to wait and who have become totally accustomed to getting everything delivered in as quick a time-frame as possible, red lights be damned!

However, we’re just all gonna have to suck it up. That’s the message that the city is giving anyway. Safety first, and all that. Apparently, the city has been preparing restaurants for this policy change by giving them “literature explaining safety requirements and encouraging restaurants to factor in stop lights and one-way streets into deliveries.”

In addition to this, “the city’s Department of Transportation advised restaurants to start providing accurate delivery times to customers as their bicyclists will need to obey all traffic rules — or face stiff fines.”

Which we think will be awesome because how many time have we been told that our pizza will come in twenty minutes and then it doesn’t come in 20 minutes and by minute 45 we are forced to start chewing on our fingernails to get the calcium that our body so sorely craves but doesn’t get enough of? SO many times!

Eventually, of course, the pizza comes and we are chastened by the sight of our shredded fingernails for days.

Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen