Get Out of Our City, Tourists! I Mean, Spiders!

Holy shit that thing looks scary.

  • Holy shit that thing looks scary.

Eight legs, two fangs, and an attitude!

That was the tagline for 1990’s Arachnophobia, which is a movie that we haven’t watched because our parents thought we were too young to see it when it came out (we were) and anyway we had already read the spoof of it in Mad Magazine and so, really, what was the point?

The point, as it turns out, is that it might have prepared us for all the black widow spiders that are now descending on New York City.

The Daily News reports that “black widow spiders have crawled to New York in droves this summer.”

Why would they come here? Why do they hate us? Is it our freedom?

No. It’s not that.

The reason is that NYC, due to the warm and wet weather we’ve been having all year, is a total hotspot for the insects that black widow spiders love to suck on.

Although it is the most venomous of North American spiders, black widows are typically non-aggressive. Unless, and this is a BIG unless, you are a male black widow spider who has just had sex with a female.

Then you can expect to DIE.

Healthy adult humans rarely die however, so don’t worry too much. But look out for children, the elderly, and those with compromised health situations or if you think you might’ve been bitten and are now experiencing a severe reaction.

Also, even if you’re not experiencing a severe reaction, but just have a bruise? And even if that bruise isn’t from a spider at all, is just a bruise you got somewhere?

You should read what the Wall Street Journal has to say about bruises. It gives pretty solid advice on the topic of, for example, whether or not you should massage a bruise.

Short answer?

Don’t. Why would you do that?


Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen


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