Brooklyn Has Something Called a Sex House But Also It Sounds Like a Regular House

By Kristin Iversen

Just a regular Brooklyn house AKA a sex house.
image via Comedy Central

Over the weekend, Bust published an anonymous account of what it was like to live in a “Brooklyn sex house,” and I was really excited to read it because if there’s two things I really like about life in Brooklyn it’s 1) sex and 2) houses. And, I mean, combine the two? That’s fucking paradise. Like, literally, a fucking paradise.

But so, here’s the things I learned about what living in a sex house is really like:

1. This particular sex house—and, of course, it’s in Bushwick—has 14 separate bedrooms (whhhhaaaat???? I can barely even count that high) with 14 renter-members who pay between $750-1750/month to live in the sex house.
2. The sex house is only available to renters who have been privately recommended. Do not look for vacancies on Craigslist; you will not find any.
3. There is a hot tub. And a motherfucking washer/dryer, because this is not just a fucking paradise, this is just paradise.
4. On any given morning, 15% of its residents (so, like 2.1 people) are having sex.
5. The sex house’s “orgies are minimal and generally confined to one person’s room.”
6. There are “quiet hours from 12am to 8am.”
7. There is actually a policy against having sex with roommates.
8. The occupants of the Bushwick sex house believe “sex is essentially good… Sex is normal! Sex is healthy!”

So, ok, then! All of that sounds great—particularly the whole washer/dryer situation. But also? Everything on this list sounds exactly what it’s like to live in just about every apartment I—and everyone I know—has ever lived in. Except actually? What with the post-midnight quiet hours and no fucking roommates, it actually sounds far more tame than almost any other house I’ve ever lived in or visited. Plus, on many mornings in my house, literally 100 percent of the adult occupants are having sex because that’s just what mornings are for in my opinion.

All of which is to say, the main advantage of this Bushwick sex house appears to be the existences of both a hot tub and the ever-elusive holy grail of New York real estate: the washer/dryer. And are those things worth $750/month? Absolutely they are. So start making friends with Bushwick’s sex-positive community ASAP, and maybe you will spend this winter enjoying your very own hot tub that you share with, uh, 13 other people who have very quiet sex once in a while just not with each other. Enjoy!

Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen