Every once in a while, the world will pre-order nineteen-dollar tickets in order to indulge in the old fashioned pleasure of watching a Hollywood blockbuster in 3d and in public. If you are a child of the eighties, or older, there is a very good chance that you will do that for Star Wars: The Force Awakens, which opens in theaters on December 18.
But that’s not until next Friday! And that’s an eternity from now, jus like a week used to feel when you were tiny, sitting in your parents’ living room in your footed PJs watching Luke Skywalker and C-3PO drink at the Cantina in A New Hope. So, in the meantime, Ample Hills has come to the rescue by letting you eat Star Wars to your heart’s content.
Two new Flavors, DNAinfo tells us, let you self-identify as a fallen Jedi who tries to kill his son (in which case you would select The Dark Side flavor), or as the son who almost gets with his sister (in which case you would select The Light Side). The first is an ultra-dark chocolate number that includes brownies, cocoa crispies, and white chocolate pearls (even the worst villains have some good in them), and the second involves marshmallow ice cream with in-house crispie clusters and cocoa crispies (even the best Jedis have bad-dude tendencies).
The flavors were “conceived in collaboration with Disney Consumer Products” (Walt Disney Company CEO Bog Iger is a big fan of Ample Hills), but—important—you can only order the in-demand ice cream online in a 4-Pack that retails for $36. So, actually, eating Star Wars is turning out to be almost as frustrating as waiting to watch it in theaters next week. But there is one loophole: you can get it a tiny bit faster if you pick up your online order in person at Ample Hills’ Gowanus location.
Except! “In-Store Pickup cannot be combined with other ice cream orders and can only be selected when your cart is full of just Star Wars ice cream.” Whoever came up with this line had likely just eaten an entire container of The Dark Side, which is, as you know, very strong. So all is forgiven. Even the Dark Side has its white chocolate pearls.