Horoscopes: September
You got me all wrong.
Virgo | Aug 23–Sep 22
You are the kind of person, Virgo, who insists “I know! I know!”—even when it’s something you couldn’t possibly know about, something you never in a million years experienced. This has, to be honest, always really annoyed me. But not anymore. No, now I realize that while maybe you don’t really know these things, you also kind of do; they have been written on your skin. Use this knowledge for something constructive, though, not just to show off that you have it.
Libra | Sep 23–Oct 22
Libras, it is said, are never on time. I would worry that this is something that bothers you about yourself, except the other thing that’s always said about you is that you can get away with anything—lateness definitely included. So, you know, I’m not worried about your lateness. Especially since, rumor has it, you’ve been showing up on time to things lately. What’s that about, Libra? Have you changed? No, I don’t think so. Rather, everything else seems to gently be falling into place for you right now, so why not punctuality too?
Scorpio | Oct 23–Nov 21
Why are you always so angry, Scorpio? Just kidding! I know. It’s your thing. You’re, uh, fiery. But lately, that fire has been replaced by a relentless icy burn, and it seems like it might come to overwhelm you, consume you, devour you. Which, you know, those are all good verbs and everything, but not when the end result is everything around you, shattered, lying on the ground.
Sagittarius | Nov 22–Dec 21
You’ve spent the last little while (ok, let’s face it—the last few years) caught in a vicious cycle, Sagittarius, a Sisyphean struggle to get ahead in either a) romance b) work c) family d) all of the above. I’m not saying you haven’t had good times while shouldering that boulder, but what I am saying is, it’s now time to find release (you’re not actually Sisyphus, you know?) and see what happens once you’re free from all that dead weight.
Capricorn | Dec 22–Jan 19
You’re a paradox to me, Capricorn. I know there’s other signs which are more of the split personality variety than you, and that, in fact, you’re more prone to being steady, fixed, banal, even. But all that does is remind me that, to borrow a phrase from one of my favorite writers, banality can be striking. And that’s your thing too, Capricorn: Striking others. Hitting them. Head-butting, really. So go for it; strike away. Just lift your head up every once in awhile to assess the damage you’re causing. And to give yourself some time to heal.
Aquarius | Jan 20–Feb 18
Are you honest with yourself, Aquarius? Like, really honest? Lately, I don’t think so. Oh, it’s not because you can’t handle reality. It’s more like you exist in some hyper-reality, where every thought you have, and every emotion, is something you feel needs to be actually realized. So, it’s more that you’re too honest—about everything—which winds up being… kind of confusing. For you and those around you. Try dialing it back a little bit. Live only on one plane of existence for a little while.
Pisces | Feb 19–Mar 20
Not so long ago, I was watching Hiroshima Mon Amour in a darkened theatre, secretly buzzed on Benadryl, sipping on a root beer, when I was shaken out of my antihistamine- and Emmanuelle Riva-induced reverie by this one line of dialogue: “How good it is to be with somebody, sometimes.” I think you know what I mean when I say that I agree completely. I think you do too.
Aries | Mar 21–Apr 19
It’s so funny, Aries, that you control the head. You’re not exactly the most thoughtful of people, are you? It helps to remember, I suppose, that what you actually control is the face and eyes—not the brain. You’re all surface and quick to react. Or, at least, that’s your excuse a lot of the time—especially lately—for flying off the handle at the merest hint of provocation. I beg you: Take heed. This type of behavior will come back and explode in your face like a thousand blazing suns if you don’t watch out.
Taurus | Apr 20–May 20
I saw a cloud the other day that had a hole in its center, like a bagel or a doughnut or my heart. Except the cloud wasn’t any of those things. It was a cloud. You, Taurus, have taken on the appearance of many other things lately, but you aren’t anything other than yourself. Now would be a good time to remember that. Or, you know, figure out who that even is.
Gemini | May 21–Jun 21
You know who doesn’t disappoint? Marguerite Duras. Is there someone more perfectly quotable for you, Gem? I mean, maybe Colette. But also, think on these lines: “You’re destroying me. You’re good for me. You’re destroying me. You’re good for me.” And: “I think about you. But I don’t say it anymore.” And: “I loved the taste of blood since I tasted yours.” Spend the next month thinking about these lines. And then do something. You’ll know what.
Cancer | Jun 22–Jul 22
I see something big happening for you soon, Cancer. Do you see it too? I think you do. I think it looms over you, suspended in the air, and you’re pretending not to see it. But, you know, you should open your eyes and take a close look and think about how you want to deal with this change that might shake the earth under your feet and and blind you for more than a moment, before everything settles back down again and you find yourself in a whole new world. A better one, I think, but a new one for sure.
Leo | July 23–Aug 22
I see you’ve been experiencing a time of great bounty lately, Leo, and I’m happy to say that this will continue into the immediate future. Oh, but this bounty won’t take any sort of predictable form; no simple delights are in store for you. Rather, things are about to get messy and complicated and unravel and tangle back up, all of which will leave you with a big pile of… something. But you know what? It’s fine. Who needs simple? The best things are always kind of a disaster.
by Liv Saga
