The Mysteries of the Office Bathroom, Ranked
Vaguely threatening, we think.
In theory, the office bathroom should not be a place of much interest—let alone intrigue. But in practice? In practice, there is no other place in the modern office (other than maybe the refrigerator) which contains more unanswered questions. We have no idea if these mysteries are universal or specific to our office building in Downtown Brooklyn (we visited every bathroom in the building to which we could easily gain entry), but if we had to guess we’d say: pretty universal. These are the ones we find most pressing, currently.
14) Why is there always one stall that doesn’t lock and thus requires users to demonstrate their flexibility (or lack of it) and ability to aim from a distance in order to maintain the most basic level of privacy?
13) Why can we hear a man whistling “Bridge Over Troubled Water”?
12) If we can so clearly hear what’s happening in the men’s room, is the reverse true?
11) Why is that woman talking on her phone in the bathroom stall?
10) Why is that woman brushing her teeth?
9) Why is the lighting so bad?
8) Why is the bathroom mirror still the best place to take selfies?
7) Why have we never walked in on anyone else taking selfies, but we ourselves have almost been walked in on countless times?
6) Why is the sink full of tiny hair shavings?
5) What kind of emergency would we need to be in to shave a body part—any body part—in a semi-public bathroom?
4) Why is that woman talking on her phone while lounging against the sinks making it next to impossible for us to wash our hands?
3) Who fills the lotion caddy that is only in one bathroom that we visited in all of 1 MetroTech? The one bathroom that also has a full-length mirror?
2) Why is the sign reminding us to not leave a mess so threatening?
1) Why do so many people come in here to cry?
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