New York is the biggest small town on the planet. If you have any friends at all—or even if you don’t, and just know someone who knows someone who follows someone you work with on Instagram—chances are you’ll run into somebody on the street with whom you have no desire to interact. This happens all the time! The probability is bound to defeat your inner-hermit crab eventually: You will see someone and they will talk to you. It’s the worst.
But if you hate meandering small-talk with randos, or just plain want to steer clear of a certain someone at all costs, then there’s an app just for you: It’s called Avoid Humans and it’s the most New York City app of all time.
The premise is remarkably simple and boils down to the name of the app itself: Avoid Humans! Be Free! Run wild! The app uses data collated from check-ins filed under different social media platforms (yes, people still do that) to give you a sense of where these not-to-be-trifled with characters are hanging. If your ex-bestie is having a caramel frap at the local Starbucks, avoid them! If your Dad is at Home Depot bragging about his landscaping skills, be as far away as you want! If your drunk uncle is knocking back hooch at a nearby bar, be gone with you!
Avoid Humans even gives you a nonliteral heat-sensor that detects your exact distance from these undesirable people. If your enemy is in some far off hinterland miles away from you, the app grants you permission to chillax, using the color green to signify the coast is all clear. If there’s the potential of danger, the color yellow warns you to be cautious. If the color sensor turns red, you’re in the danger zone and the app advises you to run like the wind!
So if you’re sick and tired of pretending not to see people when they’re waving at you from across the street, download this app. Your social life will thank you.
Follow Sam Blum on Twitter @Blumnessmonster