One of life’s most reliable pleasures is perusing the police blotters of small town newspapers. Unlike in big metropolitan areas, where tracking crime can be an all too depressing look at the worst of humanity, the daily goings-on of tiny communities are usually more notable for their innocuous nature, and thus charm rather than frighten the reader because there’s so rarely a victim (e.g. all the times when police go to investigate a burglary, only to find raccoons knocking over garbage cans; hijinks, you guys, they’re real!). Alas, we do not live in a small town, and so reading New York’s daily police activity is more of a depressing look into the darker side of humanity (cannibal cop et al.). But not today, you guys, not today.
No, today comes some pretty delightful (and, of course, awful for the victim!) news of a theft in Williamsburg, in which a lot of jewelry was stolen, including a ring which features two bears having sex. Via DNAinfo, over $1,000 worth of jewelry, as well as an $800 Canon camera, were stolen out of an East Williamsburg apartment last week, and police released photos of “some of the more unique pieces of jewelry” in order to have a better chance of apprehending the thief. Because, you know, there just aren’t going to be that many people out there sporting a fornicating bears ring. Rabbits, sure. But bears? Not so much!
I know I sound flippant about what is a serious crime and a total invasion of privacy in the form of a home break-in, and that is wrong of me. Theft is awful, whether it involves weird jewelry or $400 toilets being lifted from a Carroll Gardens construction site. But, well, it’s sure better than reading about a trust fund kid fatally shooting his father, you know? You know.
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