The laws of attraction are subjective, in theory, and yet there are some people, films, songs and books that are thought to be universally sexy. Think of Y Tu Mamá También. Think of Nina Simone’s voice as she beckons you to “put a little sugar in [her] bowl.” Think of Beyoncé doing almost anything. Sure there will always be a few outliers who fail to find what is as close as possible to being empirically sexy actually sexy, but, still majority rules. Well, most of the time anyway. Sometimes, the majority has no idea what it’s talking about. And such is the case with the following books, which frequently end up on lists of “sexiest reads” or “most romantic novels of all time,” often grouped with other books that are legitimately sexy, like Mating or Endless Love. Most recently, Flavorwire posted a list of “50 Sexy Books to Get You In the Mood (for Valentine’s Day),” which, sure, has some really sexy books on it, but also several that really make us question people’s proclivities. And we’re pretty open-minded! So we thought we’d take a little look at what are, to our minds, the least sexy books that everyone thinks are really sexy, but everyone is really, really wrong.