21 Ways to Spend Your Teeny, Tiny Tax Refund
- c/o etsy.com
(that price is ten dollars)
1) Hit Some Balls: Make your way out to the Brooklyn Golf Center and get a bucket of balls for $9. Hit the hell out of those balls on the driving range. All your stress will slowly disappear, as surely as each ball will sail off into the horizon. Unless, of course, you’re really bad at hitting balls, in which case, the sight of the small, dimpled white orbs skipping down the fairway and refusing to get any serious air will frustrate you to no end.
Brooklyn Golf Center, 3200 Flatbush Ave, Marine Park
2) Score Cheap Seats: There was a time when the idea that Mets tickets would be more expensive than Yankees tickets would have been laughable. My, how times have changed. Even if you hate the Yankees—which is, of course, every person’s moral imperative—you must find it a little surprising that it is possible to get tickets on StubHub for less than ten bucks. The cheapest Mets tickets are twice that. So go see the Yankees and gloat at how far they’ve fallen. Or, if you’re like me and like the Yankees because moral imperatives mean nothing to you, then go cheer on the men in pinstripes. It’s only April, anything is possible. And at least Yankee Stadium isn’t named after a bank.
Yankee Stadium; 1 E. 161st Street, The Bronx
3) Get Some Thrills: Coney Island is open and ready for your business. And what better way to not only inaugurate the rebirth of this Sandy-devastated neighborhood, but to also do something that is a metaphorical representation of many of our financial experiences in the past year? By which I mean, why not ride that most stomach-churning of roller coasters, the Cyclone? Sure, it’ll set you back nine bucks, but remember, you have ten to spend. You’ll have a whole dollar left over! Use it to tip the guy who runs the ride if you throw up on it. That first drop is a killer.
The Cyclone, 1000 Surf Avenue, Coney Island
4) Sail the High(ish) Seas: Some people might think of the New York Waterway Ferry as simple transportation. But I think of it as an adventure. First, there’s the excitement of running to meet the boat. Maybe you’re a bit late and need to sprint down the gangplank, just as the boat is pulling in to port. Maybe someone is waiting for you at your destination. Maybe it is someone you love. Or maybe they were waiting for you at the dock, and you boarded together, handing the ferryman $8 for two fares, and were quickly whisked away to some new point along the East River. The only downside, really, is that the ferry ride is too fast. Before you know it, you’ve arrived. But then, that’s when the fun starts anyway, right? With your extra two dollars (and an additional fifty cents that you can bum off kind, middle-aged women) you can take the subway back to wherever you came from. Not that you’ll ever want to go back.
5) Pink Things and Buzzing Bees: I already pointed out in “7 Ways to Welcome Spring in Brooklyn” that the Brooklyn Botanic Garden’s cherry blossom season is well under way and should be appreciated by any one who has eyes. But I’m mentioning it again because, wouldn’t you know it, admission to the Garden is exactly $10. And besides witnessing the beauty of the cherry blossoms, you’ll have the opportunity to walk through all the just-about-to-bloom flower gardens, which are just starting to vibrate with the buzzing of the bees. Which, bees. We really need to appreciate bees before they all die from some mysterious disease that is, no doubt about it, the fault of us humans. We’re the worst.
Brooklyn Botanic Gardens; 150 Eastern Parkway, Prospect Heights