With Williamsburg Social, the “Dormification” of Brooklyn Continues
By Kristin Iversen
Uh, who wouldn’t want to live there? It’s so elegant.
Remember how great living in a dorm was? Sure you do! It was the best thing ever to live in super-close quarters with a ton of other people, some of whom you liked knowing and some of whom you would consciously avoid at all costs and some of whom were kleptomaniacs who would go into your room when you were in a writing workshop and steal all your pot. Those were the days. Don’t you just want to go right back to that special time of forced social interaction and awkward avoidance of eye contact? Well, ok, good for you. Cool even. And as long as you can afford to spend $2,600/month in rent for a fucking studio, a return to dorm life can be yours!
Curbed reports that the apartments in a building that is actually, seriously called “Williamsburg Social” are now for rent. These apartments feature such things as “radiant-heated marble flooring in the bathroom” and “top-of-the-line stainless steel appliances and brushed nickel fixtures”. Which, I guess those are nice things. Except that don’t you feel like stainless steel appliances are one day (like, even this very day) feel as dated as the avocado green refrigerators of the 70s? Like, I would much rather have an avocado green stove than a stainless steel one. First, stainless steel is a bitch to clean, and second, it’s just so obvious a design choice at this point.
Anyway, all of these fancy features are probably not too reminiscent of dorm life, but that’s where the “social” in “Williamsburg Social” comes in to play. You see, this apartment building doesn’t just feature Caesarstone countertops, it also has a “landscaped courtyard and roof deck” that “are great places to have a drink with neighbors.” Awesome, right? Maybe you don’t have friends, you know? New York can be a tough city. So the smart thing to do, the New York thing to do, would be to move into a really expensive apartment right above a bank and a Duane Reade and force the people who live next door to you to drink with you in your building’s “common areas.” And it’s not just your neighbors you can be besties with, the rental agents behind Williamsburg Social also suggest you, “invite guests over and hold court in the residents’ lounge, a recreational playground.” Because, why hang out in your private apartment that you spend up to $4,600/month for, when you could chill in a common area where any rando could come by and join in your conversation? Why, indeed.
The idea that living in a dorm because of the inherent social benefits is a positive thing is totally crazy to me. The social aspects of dorm life were the worst part. I mean, how often do you still talk to your freshman roommate? Probably not very often! Yes, there’s a slight chance that you will meet true friends this way, but it’s a very, very slight chance. Let’s face it, the only cool thing about dorm life was that, probably, your parents paid for your meal plan and so you could eat as many curly fries as you wanted to until the dining hall closed at midnight. That was the only good thing. The rest of dorm living was terrible. I mean, who would want to go back to a time of smoking pot in the bathroom with towels stuffed into the cracks of your doors so that the fascist RA Nanda wouldn’t rat you out again? Not me. Not me.