The Owner of PBR Might Buy Twinkies!!!


When everybody worried that the bankruptcy of Hostess would mean they’d never eat another Twinkie again, it was all like, nah, yo, somebody’s just gonna buy it and start making more Twinkies, dummy. (If you want to worry about something, worry about the unionized bakers who lost their jobs!) And in fact, two private-equity firms are nearing a deal to buy the Hostess umbrella of brands, the Wall Street Journal reports.

One of those firms is C. Dean Metropoulos & Co., which also owns the Pabst Blue Ribbon brand among others in food like Vlasic pickles, Lender’s bagels and Mrs. Butterworth’s syrups—WHY IS EVERYTHING OWNED BY PRIVATE-EQUITY FIRMS THIS IS WEIRD AND CREEPY AMEIRCA—which means soon you’ll get Twinkies with PBR-flavored creme in the middle, right?

Unfortunately, I doubt very much that it means that. The two firms are agreeing to bid more than $400 million at an upcoming bankruptcy auction; it’s possible they could still be outbid by other “suitors.” God, business language is gross and weird.

Follow Henry Stewart on Twitter @henrycstewart


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