Bike Lanes Are Terrible “Hipster Highways” for “$1,500 Lance Armstrong Doperacers”


So, bike lanes. Thoughts? Love them? Hate them? Have nothing to say because in the scope of New York City politics, they’re really not that controversial an issue at all? No need to worry, Daily News columnist Denis Hamill has enough opinions on it for everyone. Really, really vehement ones.

In a new column ostensibly pleading for an anti-bike lane mayoral candidate, Hamill went sort of apeshit, citing the “yuppie-ki-yay bike lane, where kids dressed like hockey goalies pedal in a danger-free fantasy lane.” Bike lanes, he argues, leave less room for him and his car, but more importantly, as a safety measure (along with helmets), are making our young people soft — “sheltered, helmeted kids getting zeroes in street-smarts.”

They’re also fucking up the parking. “You can no longer use the curb to guide your parallel parking,” Hamill writes. “No, the curb is reserved as a barrier reef for the Hipster Highway for Richie Rich on his $1,500 Lance Armstrong Doperacer.”

So, that all sounds pretty outwardly insane, but I see his point, sort of. And maybe he’s earned it. He does mention, after all, growing up in Brooklyn, putting together his own bike out of “assorted discarded parts,” and learning his own street smarts, sans bike helmet, as a delivery boy for a butcher. Which, wait, no, this still doesn’t make any sense! That’s an interesting story and a snapshot of a time that has arguably passed us by, sure, but maybe not a legitimate political argument? Or a valid reason that people shouldn’t wear helmets? Anyway, today is a slow news day, and this column was a weird, fun read, so, here we all are.

Follow Virginia K. Smith on Twitter @vksmith.

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  1. Yours was certainly a much nicer response to Hamill’s diatribe against bike lanes than what I would have written. The guy reminds me of Homer Simpson’s father, Abe >> You young people and yer two wheeled contraptions takin’ up valuable street space! Why, when I wuz a boy back during the horse & buggy whip days, we had to walk 10 miles, uphill, barefoot in snow just to SEE a horse! Waaaaaaaaah!

  2. wait so what of us who save up our money to buy scraps to build our bikes with? can we stay in the bike lanes? and aren’t cars more expensive than bikes? AND WAIT! WHO HAS A CAR IN NYC?! i’m so confused right now.