Local Bar Petitions White House To Secede From Park Slope


Here’s an unexpected new thing bringing hysterical Texans and fussy Brooklynites together: secession! A fun, old-timey pastime for all. While disgruntled Republicans have been busy petitioning for Texas to secede since Obama’s re-election, some idiots have petitioned for “East Williamsburg” to secede from regular Williamsburg, and the Observer has petitioned them not to be assholes. Secession is having a moment.

But finally, a petition that may make some sense! Or, at the very least, is entertaining and self-aware. Beloved dive bar Jackie’s 5th Amendment has started an official petition to secede from its native Park Slope. Their explanation:

“Due to the changing nature of the neighborhood and the fact that we are beginning to take offense when potential customers come into the bar, look around them with disdain, and leave, immediately, we the people of Jackie’s 5th Amendment at 404 5th Avenue request the permission of the United States Government to peacefully secede from Park Slope and become our own neighborhood, to be tentatively known as ‘Brooklyn.’

Currently, the petition has 19 signatures, which puts it a bit shy of the 25,000 they hope to reach by December 16. But hey, miracles happen every day, right? We’re pulling for you, Jackie’s.

Follow Virginia K. Smith on Twitter @vksmith.

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