Confession: I subscribe to Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle website. Every Thursday I get an email from Goop and while, frequently, these emails are entirely irrelevant to my life and its financial constraints, I want to make clear that I don’t read Goop as a hate-read. I am usually genuinely entertained by its content, even if Gwyneth’s interests do not always match up with my own. For example, Gwyneth likes juice cleanses and vacationing in the Hamptons. I eat a bag of potato chips and a whoopie pie for lunch EVERY DAY and haven’t had a vacation anywhere in such a long time that it’s frankly depressing to even think about.
Anyway, all of this is to say that as I sat at my desk eating potato chips this afternoon, I was excited to see my new installment of Goop in my inbox. What would Gwyneth cover today? What expensive things will she make me covet now? What exotic, far-flung place would she tell me ALL ABOUT? Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw, but, in this issue of Goop, Gwyneth does Brooklyn!
What would she say? Where would she go? I couldn’t wait to find out! What could Gwyneth tell me about my own borough that I didn’t yet know??? As it turns out, nothing. She basically covered no new ground. Although, I guess, I have to be understanding because it must be totally exhausting for Gwyneth to do all the groundwork that such a comprehensive look at Brooklyn would entail. And I’m sure she does it all on her own? I don’t really know. I’ve thought very little about it.
So what does Goop recommend? Well, try not to be surprised, but for dining and drinking options Gwyneth recommends places including the Wythe Hotel, Hotel Delmano, al di là, Clover Club, Roberta’s, Weatherup, Pok Pok, and Franny’s. Which, all great! But pretty predictable. Perhaps she went a little more off-the-beaten path for her cultural institution recommendations? Noooo. No, she didn’t. Have you heard of this place called “the Brooklyn Museum”? Apparently, it’s pretty great.
The whole list reads very “36 Hours in Brooklyn” NYT-style, but I guess that’s what should be expected. And Gwyneth does manage to give a little shout-out to her Brooklyn-born close and personal friend, Jay-Z, by telling readers that the reason she decided to “goop Brooklyn” (which, whoa) was for people’s “perusal/exploration (or in case you need a bite on your way to the new Barclays Center).”
Brooklyn in the house!
Also, Gwyneth recommends that we buy a pair of $750 gold, wing tip brogues that she’s selling as a collaboration with shoe designer Esquivel. I’m going to go back to my potato chips now.
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