Dating Dealbreaker: Inter-Borough Romance is Not for Everyone

Tunnels of Love
  • Tunnels of Love

Just this morning, I told someone that situations are everything in a relationship. And he told me no. He said, “Location is everything. Location, location, location.”

As usual, he was right. Location is everything—especially in New York City, where relationships hinge on a thousand—sometimes trivial—details. So, how do New Yorkers feel about dating someone who lives in a different borough? Is this an issue that can be bridged? Or bridged-and-tunneled, if you want to get technical?

Well, survey says, yes! Most New Yorkers would consider dating someone who hails from a different borough. But even though most New Yorkers would consider it, a healthy number of us —a full 25%—would never, ever cross that line. Never!

AMNY reported on a survey conducted by in which a quarter “of city-dwellers said they wouldn’t consider dating someone who lived in a different borough.” Perhaps predictably, Manhattanites are the least likely, at 28%, to practice inter-borough dating, with Queens residents being the most accepting, at 23%.

Some reasons proposed for why New Yorkers would hesitate to date someone from outside the borough include “convenience, subway travel time, dating where you work, and stereotypes about people who live in other borough.” For example, Shamir A. Khan, a couples psychologist, told AMNY that “Manhattanites would have certain stereotypes about someone living in Staten Island, possibly, the other way around too.”

Which is hilarious, because Khan stresses that “possibly” Staten Islanders have stereotypes about people living in Manhattan, but, you know, “possibly” not. Because people from Staten Island can’t afford to be too choosy! Let’s face it.

Travel time in a relationship is so, so important. And it is such a power play to get the person who you’re seeing to come over to your house all the time so that, whether they live a borough or a neighborhood away or even just a few blocks, you don’t have to travel. That’s how you know who’s the boss in your relationship. And it is obviously very important to have these kinds of power struggles in a relationship, because everything—EVERYTHING—must have a winner and a loser. I’m not a relationship expert or anything, but I’m pretty sure that a qualified couples counselor would advise you of exactly that.

In conclusion, date whoever you want to, there’s no shame in having to transfer subways for sex (unless it’s the transfer from the L to the 1/2/3 because that long corridor you need to walk down? might be the entrance to hell.)

Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen

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