Catholics In Bensonhurst Are Pretty Sure This Saint Anthony Statue Is Alive, Has A Pulse

And I shall take thee to Park Slope, wee babe

  • “And I shall take thee to Park Slope, wee babe”

Brooklyn might not be such a hedonistic Hell-borough after all! According to some Bensonhurst residents, a miraculous Saint Anthony statue lives (or at least pulses) among us, providing great hope for these troubled times.

“The statue felt sticky, like sweat,” explains Cal Stansu of the statue outside of his home near 17th Avenue. “I didn’t say anything, but five or six days ago people started bringing it small flowers. And people said to me that when they were touching it, they felt a heartbeat.”

The statue has reportedly been “excreting an oily substance” and the water in a vase of flowers set in front of it has recently turned pink for unexplained reasons.

Brooklyn Daily found no evidence of a heartbeat when they examined lil’ Anthony with a stethoscope, and local Catholic officials haven’t commented on the phenomenon, but naysayers have no place in this.

Brooklyn has never had a “holy appearance” officially confirmed by the Catholic church, and we are long overdue for our shot at fame as a religious pilgrimage site. And no, the recent Mormon influx doesn’t count.

Follow Virginia K. Smith on Twitter @vksmith.


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