If You’re Not Getting Shot At, Probably Your Bike Is Being Stolen


Oh, Brooklyn.

Pull it together.

DNAInfo reports that bike thefts in Williamsburg and Greenpoint have quadrupled in the first half of 2012 as compared to the first half of 2011. While there have been more arrests made—6 arrests this year as opposed to 0 last year—police advise bike owners to “get their bicycles etched, or tagged with identification codes, to help officers track down and identify stolen bikes.”

One reason that the numbers of stolen bikes might be so high is simply that more people are reporting their bikes as stolen. DNAInfo says, “Ryan Kuonen, a Williamsburg Community Board 1 transportation committee member, said the apparent spike must be due to more people reporting the thefts coupled with an increase of people in the area purchasing bikes.” So, basically, newbies to the area who’ve just purchased their first set of wheels don’t understand that the police probably won’t be able to find their bikes and report them as stolen.

This is all pretty depressing, news-wise. But! It could be worse. At least we haven’t fallen prey to the sick craze that’s been sweeping the nation and has been reported to be happening right here in NYC.

I’m talking about flash mob proposals. The New York Times, in an article titled “Shock and Aww” (barf), reports on this latest craze glorifying that most sacrosanct of social institutions—the flash mob. Apparently, nothing says “let’s spend the rest of our lives together in bliss and harmony” like hiring a bunch of strangers to dance around you in a totally creepy and contrived manner. Obviously, the women who are the targets of these engagements are thrilled because for every male creep there is, without a doubt, a female counterpoint.

If someone ever tried to do this to me, I would kick them in the nuts. If someone ever mentioned that they even thought flash mobs were a fun idea? I would kick them in the nuts.

So, yeah, these are some of the things plaguing our city and serving as a reminder that the apocalypse is nigh.

At least we don’t have zombie bees yet.


Follow Kristin Iversen on twitter @kmiversen

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