Attention Men of Brooklyn! Twisted Testicles Are a Real Thing

All I see when I look at this is a pile of twisted testicles. Yes, a pile.
  • All I see when I look at this is a pile of twisted testicles. Yes, a pile.

File this under Why Being a Hipster Is Slowly Destroying You. Along with the news that bicycles may be causing sexual dysfunction in women, another worrisome report has just been released which reveals that men wearing skinny jeans are at risk for problems like bladder weakness, urinary tract infections, and TWISTED TESTICLES.

Also fungal infections.

Even though the ultra-tight jeans of a few years ago are not as widely seen on the streets of Brooklyn as they once were, they’re still there. And, according to a study of 2,000 British men, they’ve caused problems for about one out of ten male wearers.

What kind of problems?

Groin problems.

In the words of Dr. Hilary Jones, ”I have seen several cases of men who have twisted their testicles due to wearing jeans that are far too tight.”

Apparently “twisted testicles occur when tight trousers prevent the spermatic cord from moving freely, meaning it twists and leads to testicular torsion which cuts off the blood supply requiring immediate surgery to prevent a gangrenous testicle.”

In the words of me, I never want to have to see a gangrenous testicle.

Please make sure your pants fit everybody!

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