Ah, the old “welcome home, hopefully neither of us cheated on the other” sex. Always a weird combination of awkward and hot. It is a nice idea to step it up a little, good thinking. Here is a short list of classic sexual bar-raising moves that will still not challenge the boundaries of your average American straight dude:

1. Ass-slapping, hard enough to sting, but only for a moment.
2. Finger up his butthole.
3. “Come on my face/tits.”
4. Anal.
5. “Professor Fuckington, I’ve been a very bad girl.”/“Dr. Cockenstein, I think there’s something wrong with me—down there.”
6. One of you being tied to the bed/restrained. Under no circumstances should you use those sex dice or fuzzy handcuffs. This is not a bachelorette party.
7. Light choking/hair pulling/biting.
8. A surprising number of guys really like tittyfucking, but feel weird asking.
9. “Tell me what you want me to do to you.”
10. Hot lunch. Just kidding! You should probably talk about that one beforehand. Also, careful about your sheets.

This is only a few — there’s a ton of things you can try. I mean you know, it’s all kinda clichéd “Cosmo’s how to make your man’s junk sizzle” or whatever, but that shit is classic for a reason: because generally-not-that-kinky people can enjoy doing it without feeling freaked out. And who knows. Perhaps you will both discover you prefer things a bit freaky and can graduate into heavier stuff. In any case, enjoy your fucking. I wish you all the not-getting-chlamydia-because-one-of-you-cheated-without-a-condom in the world.

Dear Audrey,
I’m a really assertive woman in my day-to-day life, but in bed I like to be dominated a little bit. I’ve tried to hint this to my boyfriend but he just doesn’t really seem to be getting it. What to do?

Weeell, I know that hinting around vaguely and hoping someone intuits your very specific desire is usually the best way to get someone to figure out what you want them to do, but maybe you should just go ahead and ask him.

Because here is the thing: I am not a dominationologist, but it is my understanding that in general there are a lot more subs out there than good doms to top them. Being a dominatrix is not so easy! (What is the masculine of that? Dominator?)

I mean think about it: it’s a lot of work. One has to figure out how to make the other person do humiliating stuff that is still enjoyable for both of you. I suspect you are interested in more than just having someone say, “Ok gimme a blowjob, then go do the dishes,” right? He will have to build and control scenes without either of you feeling silly and without endangering either of you, which is tough and takes practice.

So you need to tell your partner what you want, and talk together about what your various interests are, what you both feel comfortable with, what kinds of scenes you’d like to try. Maybe watch some porn about it so you can both get some ideas (if he is even into at all, which hopefully he would be at least willing to try it.) There will almost certainly be a learning curve, and you both need to be open to the idea that some stuff will just not work out and not be frustrated by it.

Communication, friends. Communication and patience. That is the path to almost all good sex things.