So this is what culinary oversaturation looks like.
Denny's—the chain best known for its Grand Slam Breakfasts and ubiquity everywhere outside the five boroughs—has hitched itself onto the Brooklyn foodie bandwagon by including a dish dedicated to Brooklyn on its "Tour of America."
What artisanal ingredients are in this dish? Pickled ramps, maybe? Did Denny's source honey from a Red Hook rooftop apiary?
Well, no. No, they didn't.
Denny's is instead paying homage to this borough's Italian-American cuisine with a nod to Frankie's Spuntino and Lucali (I assume?) and is serving up Brooklyn Spaghetti and Meatballs. Consisting of three meatballs and, well, spaghetti, this dish is supplemented by Parmesan cheese and garlic toast and weighs in at a modest 1,220 calories and 61 grams of fat.
Wait! That's not modest. Those numbers are something to be proud of. Brooklyn's Spaghetti and Meatballs have the highest calorie count and fat content of any dish on Denny's Tour of America. The Southern Slam, containing eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits, AND sausage gravy? Only 810 calories! The Midwestern Meat and Potatoes Sandwich, with its prime rib and gravy and two kinds of cheeses, served on a Cheddar bun with fries? Ha! Only 1030 calories and 51 grams of fat. The Malibu Fish Tacos? Are you joking?
It is unfortunate that we can't enjoy this culinary tribute to our borough without leaving the city, but it is gratifying to know that, with Denny's newly-announced expansion to China, the delights of dining in Brooklyn will soon be available to the international masses.
Until we get our own Denny's, though, we'll have to satisfy our Brooklyn food cravings with places like Frankie's and Lucali. But maybe someday, we will get to taste Denny's "Tour of America."
Denny's promises it will be magnifico.
Which sounds like something we say.
Here, in Brooklyn.