I’ve always had a complicated relationship with sex. I used to think it made me weird and abnormal, like this tension I felt toward the subject was my own cumbersome (get it, cum) burden. Boy, was I wrong! There are so many ways to fuck, and our culture has so many hangups about sexual expression, that pretty much everyone is dealing with their own difficulties when it comes to the topic. But we just don’t talk about this stuff in a meaningful way, so the goal of this essay series was to start a conversation about all the weird and wonderful ways that sex intersects with our lives. For me, sex was always tied to religion, marriage, and guilt, and it took a vibrator to help erase some of the things I’d internalized about my own desires. God bless technology! As my relationship toward sex shifted, I became more interested in what other people had dealt with.
So the writing in this series gets into the explicit tension between sex, love, and relationships in ways that haven’t been explored many places. One of the pieces is about how a threesome with a married gay couple revealed to the author that he wasn’t getting what he wanted from his own relationship. One of the pieces talks about fear, breakups, and birthday sex–the way we play old movie memories in our heads and fool ourselves into thinking beautiful things only come into our life rarely. Really, they come all the time, if we’d just focus on here and now. One of the essays is humorous look at the way Brooklyn and sex are synonymous to many people, and how that might not be as true as it seems. Another deals with how sex itself pales in comparison to the intimacy and strength needed to be with a partner who lost their last lover to suicide. What the pieces have in common is a realization that the most compelling thing about sex usually isn’t the physical act, but the emotional ripples it spreads throughout the rest of our lives.
Here are five stories about the ways people in Brooklyn are having sex (Or not having it, as the case may be). Maybe reading one will send a ripple through your life. Maybe reading one will change the relationship you have to sex. Maybe one will get you laid. But if all reading these does is get you to talk more freely about your sex life, then the series has done its job.
Caitlin White: Using A Vibrator Erased My Sexual Guilt For Good
Fucking In Brooklyn Vibrator Erased Sexual Guilt
“Deeply religious people often cast themselves as forsaken, personally afflicted martyrs who toil uniquely under their sinful desires. Once you’ve been through some shit, though, you wake up and realize that everyone is just as thirsty, horny and lonely as you are. After I’d fallen in love, and out of it, I realized that my sex life belonged only to me. I didn’t need the input of a church, religion, or even a man to decide what I wanted. According to the myth of fragile masculinity, this is what terrifies men about vibrators. But I don’t think I could be with someone who wasn’t happy for the freedom this tool gave me. My vibrator taught me that I wasn’t special, and I wasn’t sinful, I was just like any other woman. I had a need and I was meeting it for myself. There was no more denying the intense, necessary role this kind of release had on my mental and physical health. And, there was no denying the spiritual community it had surprisingly provided for me, as I considered all the other women who were tapped into the same cycle of pleasure, unashamed to put a price on their ecstasy and pay it without a hint of guilt.”
Corey Kindberg: On My Threesome With A Married Gay Couple

My Threesome With A Gay Married Couple Fucking In Brooklyn

“I certainly didn’t expect to find the kind of relationship I want while covered in sweat and lube in the middle of a threesome in Williamsburg, but there I was. And it wasn’t just about the openness of their relationship, it was about the way they treated each other and how happy they seemed. No matter the situation, they both wanted the other one to succeed. They weren’t competing. They were in-tune. It wasn’t about looking hotter than the other or being better than the other. It was just about pleasure. It was about making sure everyone was happy. It was eye-opening, mostly because the relationship I was in was built on a self-serving, suspicious platform. It was built on moves and countermoves; It wasn’t a relationship, it was a strategy. Their relationship was like an epiphany paired with a killer orgasm. I knew I had to change my situation.”
Marian Bull: Losing Myself In Birthday Sex

Birthday Sex Fucking In Brooklyn

“But let’s be honest that this a bad habit; when you can’t rely on the person you love you need movies to play, mentally to fill in their silences, zamboni over their flaws. You remember feeling consumed and happy and the glowing covers all that other shit up. But the shit never disappears, it just lays there, preserved under a glimmering sheet of ice. The danger is that the memories start to feel inimitable and unsurpassable, a slick fear that our sexual and emotional lives have peaked. Like that awful Sex And The City episode where Charlotte says you only get two great loves in your life (Fuck you, Charlotte!). It’s too easy to think that we only get a handful of movie-montage naked days. This dumb flash of beauty made me fear my next birthday for most of a year.”
Fran Hoepfner: Absolutely No One Is Fucking In Brooklyn
Fucking In Brooklyn Is A Myth
“And that’s the whole thing. If I can’t fuck in Brooklyn, I have to believe that no one is. It shouldn’t be that hard. We shouldn’t have to work to try to get something simply that unattainable. When I let the truth of Brooklyn’s sexlessness wash over me, I felt better. This is why Brooklyn is the way it is. That’s why the people are stressed and creative and tired and wear black. They are sad to not fuck. I know this now.”
Muna Mire: Why I Want To Talk About More Than Sex

Fucking in Brooklyn

“Fucking is what we should be talking about as young people. It makes a lot of sense that we would want to; it’s vital, exciting, and pleasurable. By contrast, the weight of grief is an unseemly burden when you are young. People are palpably uncomfortable with the idea of loss in the context of youth; we can’t stand to think about parents outliving their children because it’s so wrong. Young lives full of unspent potential shouldn’t come to an early end–it violates some sort of natural order. When we lose young life, it’s sad to dwell on the loss, but more dangerously, it forces you to consider, if just for a moment, the possibility of loss touching you out order. There’s a certain privilege in never having to perform that calculus.”
All illustrations by Ashley Lukashevsky

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